Looks Can Be Decieving
by Jace loves me
Summary: Twenty-four year old, Clary Fray, works as an undercover agent for the New York Police Station. When a familiar face, suspected of associating with a big drug cartel, lands on her desk, she must get him to trust her to learn his secrets. But will she be able to keep old feelings from clouding her judgement?
1. Prologue

**Hey guys! Okay, I know that I haven't updated in a really long time. But, here's the deal. I rewrote the first couple chapters, and I finished writing the entire story! I participated in the 2016 Nanowrimo camp, in which I used this story. It's not perfect, by any means, but I feel very good about this story. I have enjoyed writing this story, and I am excited to share it with you.**

 **I register for school tomorrow, so I will be a bit busy, but since this story is finished, I will be able to post regularly.**

 **I am also attempting to write my own novel.**

 **Anyways, reread this chapter and the next couple because I have changed some things about it. Not any major changes, but still, just read it.**

 **I hope you love this story as much as I do, and tell me what you think!**

 **Thanks!**

 **~Jace loves me**

Prologue

"Sir? You wanted to see me?" I asked nervously, sticking my head inside my boss's office.

"Ah, yes, have a seat please." He motioned toward his chairs.

As I sat down, he began talking. "Officer Fray, I have a case I'd like you to look at. It seems right up your alley," he mentions as he slides a folder across his desk. I pick the folder up, and wait for my instructions.

"You will be going undercover, starting today. I want you to pack up your desk, and take anything that you think will be of use with you. You will not be returning here for a while," Mr. Bane, my boss, says.

Mr. Bane or Magnus as I call him outside of work, and I have known each other for years. We met when we were very, very young, and he's been a good friend to me. Magnus and I met when we were thirteen. He was new at school and him and I just took a liking to each other. Magnus is what you would call out there.

During work hours, he wore a suit, with his hair combed neatly back, and a professional look upon his face. Outside of work, though, you would never think he was the Chief of Police. When we went out to clubs and such, he was always the sparkliest man in the room, wearing outrageous outfits like sequined pants or glittered shirts. He covered himself in glitter, sprinkling it on his face and in his uncombed hair.

Magnus was also gay. But nobody ever said anything about it to him. He demanded respect, regardless of his sexuality.

Magnus excused me from his office. I walked back to my desk with the manila folder in my hand. I shuffled through the things on my desk, grabbing the few things I thought I'd need. I logged out of my computer and shut it down, and locked the top drawer of my desk. I wave to Magnus on my way out, and hail a taxi once outside.

As the taxi pulled to a stop in front of my apartment, I threw a twenty to the cab driver and hopped out. I made my way inside, pulling my keys out of my bag, which was hanging limply by my side. I shuffled inside kicking my shoes off, and sitting down on my couch. I pulled the folder out of my bag, and flipped the cover open.

As I took in the small picture that was attached to the top of the file, I gasped and brought a hand up to cover my mouth. This couldn't be true. It couldn't be him. Staring back at me was Jace Lightwood.

"Magnus! I can't take this case!" I cried into the phone.

"Clare, I gave you this case because I believe you're the only one who could handle it like I want it to be handled," Magnus said calmly.

"No, Magnus. I can't do it. After what he did, I can't," I said sternly.

"Clare bear, I know this is hard for you. It's hard for me too. When I told Alec-," he broke off, his voice breaking, as he mentioned his lover's name.

I imagined Alec, breaking down into tears. Alec had always wanted to protect Jace. Jace had always been a troubled kid. His mom had passed away when he was twelve, and his father gave him away, pawned him off to another family. Jace loved his father very much, and Jace's father never really returned the affection.

"I know, but Magnus, what if he leaves me just like he did last time? You know I'm going to get attached to him. You know this. You know that I'm going to get emotionally involved, and he's just going to break me like last time. Why are you allowing me to get hurt again? Why are you putting me in this position?" I said, suddenly angry.

"Clare, you know that everyone of our friends will be here for you if that happens. Plus, you got through that once, and you were much younger then. You've grown. You're emotionally stronger.

"And I'm putting you in this position because I believe that you're the only one that will be able to understand this case on a personal level. Nobody else knows him like you do. Every single cop in this department, hell, in this city, would simply drag him to the station. That's not what you're doing to do."

"Then what am I going to do, Magnus?" I asked helplessly.

"You're going to try to see the best in him, Clary. That's what you've always done," he said gently.

I shook my head in confusion, but before I could ask him what he meant, he began speaking again. "Just look at the file, Clary. You start tonight. Be at Pandemonium by eleven." And with that, he hung up, the dull monotonous tone repeating in my ears.

Slowly, I brought my phone down from my ear and laid it down on the couch. For a while, I just sat there. Not doing anything in particular; just staring at the cream colored walls of my apartment, and watching the fly buzzing from nooks and crannies.

A bazillion thoughts were racing through my head at that moment in time, but none of them seemed _real_.

Jace and I met when we were thirteen. The Lightwoods adopted him when he was fourteen. His father abandoned him. His mother died. Everyone, except the children, maybe, knew that he was bound to have some problems. Everyone expected him to need counseling. Somehow, though, he convinced them he was sane enough to deal with the crap hand he was dealt.

He'd taken a liking to Alec, but he was always mean to me and I'd never understood why. One day, Alec, and my best friend Isabelle, hadn't been at school. I always walked home with them, and honestly, I was afraid to walk home alone. It was Manhattan for god's sake! Jace had been at school, and since he was going to the house next door to mine, I asked him if he could walk home with me. He'd agreed, and about halfway through the walk, it started dumping rain on us.

We ran to the park, which was a small thing nearby, and settled ourselves onto the benches underneath the pavilion. And it might've been the timing or it might've been the rain, but he opened up to me. Not in the way he did to his foster family, but he told me everything. He screamed and he shouted and he cried, and when he calmed down, I opened my arms, and he walked into them, sniffling slightly.

From that point forward, we'd been great friends. We opened up to each other about everything. And we'd always gotten along. Then, he left.

Shaking myself from my memories, I opened the folder and assessed his case. He was suspected of associating with a well known drug cartel in the police force. Many agencies had already tried to track them down, but they were never able to. I knew this. I also knew that if Jace was working with them and if he opened up to me as he did when we were children, I was a direct link to shutting them down and my name, my station, would be praised by many.

Not that this fact was really all that important to me. To others, my thoughts would seem insane, but had they been in my spot, and known him, they would understand. I hoped to god that Jace wasn't involved in this though. I didn't know whether or not I'd be able to turn him in if he was involved.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I stepped into the club that night, after waiting in line for close to thirty minutes. I sighed, heading straight to the bar. I knew that a guy like Jace, even the Jace I knew when I was thirteen, would come to the bar to scope out girls. I sat down on one of the stools, and ordered a coke. The bartender looked me up and down before handing me the bottle. I took a long drink before turning on my stool to look at the crowd.

My eyes scanned everyone I saw, and lingered on every blond haired man out there. None of them looked like the Jace I saw in the picture earlier today.

I couldn't believe that the sweet boy I'd once known like the back of my hand could turn into someone like this. My heart went out to him and I wanted to help him in any way I could. However, my job could prevent me from doing so. If I found him guilty of whatever crimes linking him to the cartel, I had no choice but to turn him in to Magnus, I'd decided. And I knew that Magnus's heart would break too.

Magnus cares so much because of his connection to Alec. Alec was Jace's adoptive brother. He was Jace's best friend all through high school. Alec stood by Jace no matter what happened. And a lot happened, for Jace had always been a troubled kid. Alec was a sweetheart. He came out in the beginning of his sophomore year, and in the middle of the year, he asked Magnus out. The two had been together ever since. They'd gotten married last year, and were looking to adopt sometime soon, but they were having trouble. I knew that Magnus had a close bond with Jace, and I knew he didn't want to break Alec's heart too.

I blinked, focusing on the task at hand. Magnus said Jace came here almost every night. I wouldn't be surprised. The girls here were flinging themselves at nearly everyone they saw. Anyone who would put up with them long enough.

I surveyed everyone. Towards the end of the night, I saw a man who looked similar. His back was turned to me, and his hair curled toward his neck. I jumped off my stool and pushed my way through the crowds. My heart beating faster and faster with every step I took that put me closer to him. I was finally closer enough to him that I could reach out and touch him. I stopped dead in my tracks, suddenly rethinking what I would even say to him. Before I could turn around though, someone's grinding body pushed against mine, shoving me into his back. I gasped and backed up. He turned around and glared.

But it wasn't Jace. I muttered an apology, looking into the stranger's green eyes, and turned. Less than an hour later, the bar closed for the night, and I hailed a taxi to finally go home. My feet were aching from my fancy heels and pleaded for a massage, plus my head was pounding from the noise. I groaned, stepping into my house. I kicked my shoes off and trudged to my room. I plugged my phone and placed it on the nightstand next to my bed. I needed to be up in four hours for work. I cursed at the thought, and changed quickly into pajamas.

I tucked myself into bed, and fell asleep within seconds.

After researching the drug cartel and Jace for several hours, I went into my room to change into my outfit for the night. It consisted of a tight black dress that made my hair and eyes look even brighter, and a pair of heels that held the promise to make my feet ache. I was so tired, and I didn't even want to go, but I knew that I had to. Even if it wasn't for me, I had to go for Magnus.

After putting makeup on, I left heading to the club. I waited in the long line once again and when I finally got in, I went straight to the bar and ordered a coke. I sat down on a different stool than the night before, and watched the crowd dancing. All of them seemed so… electric. They had so much energy, never stopping or hesitating. They just… danced. And they didn't care who they danced with or if they had a partner. There was a couple in the middle of the dance floor, grinding against each other, furiously attacking each other with their tongues. She licked the sweat off his face as he left a hickey that would surely show in the morning. I scrunched my nose up and turned back to the bar, ordering another coke.

I sipped on my coke and closed my eyes, hoping to barricade the pounding in my head against the pulsating music. I massaged my temples tiredly, and leaned against the bar, resting my forehead on my hand.

Around midnight, someone was thrown against my back as them and their partner for the night kissed sloppily, tearing articles of clothing to the ground. I scowled and pushed myself away from them. I wondered briefly how drunk they were. I knew that one of them would be doing the walk of shame in the morning. I smirked, and found another seat.

This time, I was facing the crowd. I watched in disgust as sweaty bodies grinded against whoever was available at the moment. I took another sip of my coke and analyzed the crowd thoroughly. Surprising there were more people on the dance floor with exotic hair colors like magenta, cobalt blue, and parakeet greens. I searched, thinking it would be easy to recognize the blonde hair in the rainbow of colors. Sadly, by the end of the night, I hadn't spotted the flash of blonde I'd been seeking.

The next five days weren't lucky either. I was beginning to get frustrated. Magnus said that Jace came here almost every night. And in six days he hasn't come in even once? I put myself in Jace's shoes. Maybe there was a threat that he didn't want to risk. If he is actually involved with the drug cartel then maybe there are other agencies tracking them. Maybe they've been hanging around here like I have and he got too nervous. Maybe he's going to other clubs. Maybe he saw me and turned the other direction like he did ten years ago. That thought made my heart ache.

I bit down my feelings of despair as I once again stood in the long line outside. The bouncer let me as soon as I got to the front, beginning to recognize me as a regular. I walked in the club and was no longer bombarded by the music as I was the first couple times I came in. I shook my head in exasperation.

As I settle into the metal stool at the bar, the bartender came over.

"Hey Clare!" he exclaimed, "I was wondering when I'd see you tonight! You want your norm?"

"I would love my norm!" I said enthusiastically.

He slid my coke down the counter top and winked at me. I smiled back and raised my coke to him before taking a sip. He laughed and went to help another person. As I sipped on my coke, a man sat on a stool a couple seats down. The bartender, Ace, went to help him.

"Jonathan! You're back! I was wondering when we'd see your face around here again! Where ya been man?!" Ace bellowed.

The man laughed and I glanced over at him. His hair was just past his ears, curling at the ends. The tawny blond shone against the darkness of the club and the bright lights as they struck his hair at the right angle. I narrowed my eyes slightly and mentally referred back to the manila folder Magnus gave me with Jace's information. The folder referred to him as Jonathan, even though I knew him as Jace.

As Ace prepared Jonathan's drink, I thought about what Ace had said about wondering when the mysterious man would be back.

Ace brought Jonathan's drink back, and he replied. "Ah, you know man. Work got busy this week."

Ace nodded understandably. "Well, we've missed you man. You've missed a lot. Speaking of which, we got a new regular!" Ace motioned towards me. On the inside, my mind was traveling at a hundred and one miles per hour; on the outside however, my face remained cool and collected. Jonathan acknowledged me and Ace introduced me.

"This is Clare! She's quite a flame, isn't she, Jon? I mean, look at that hair!" Ace whistled and I blushed slightly, chuckling at him.

When I looked back at Jonathan, his eyes were narrowed at me, as if he were trying to place me.

 _He recognizes me,_ I thought relieved.

Ace apologized as he hastily rushed to help another drinker. Jonathan slid down and settled himself on the stool next to mine. His amber colored eyes shone deeply into mine. I wanted to squirm in my seat under his intense gaze, but I remained still, keeping my eyes on his. After a minute more, realization dawned in his eyes and I knew he knew who I was.

"Hi Jace."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Lightwoods had always lived in the house next door to me. Maryse and Robert were friends with my parents. Robert and my father, Valentine, would watch football games on Sundays, switching houses every week. With Robert came Maryse, and while the men were watching whatever sport was on that day, my mom, Jocelyn, and Maryse would relax in the kitchen doing some type of craft.

Now all of this would have been incredibly boring for me, if the Lightwoods had not have had children. Alec, the oldest, resembled his mother with his ink black hair, that was always slightly tousled, and his electric blue eyes. He always wore these sweaters that were frayed at the ends of the sleeves. Alec was a year and a half older than I was. He rarely spoke to me . Once he was more familiar with me, however, we became great friends.

Isabelle, who was my age, resembled a mix of both of her parents. When I met her, her long, jet black hair was halfway down her back. She was tall for her age, much taller than I ever was because I'd always been on the short side, even into my adult years. Her eyes, however, were different from everyone in her family. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown, looking black at first glance. Isabelle's personality took after her father's. Isabelle was a girly girl, but she was extremely tough like Robert. She was soft, but you would never be able to tell unless you got to know her.

Max, the youngest, was adorable. He was five years younger than Isabelle and I. He had shaggy brown hair that fell into his eyes frequently. He had big framed glasses that were always sliding down his nose. He was energetic and rarely threw tantrums. He was funny and goofy, and he was always tripping over his own feet.

Isabelle and I didn't much get along that well at the beginning. Isabelle was at that stage in her life where everything revolved around makeup. She was constantly trying to powder my nose or add a touch of mascara to my long auburn eyelashes. Several times, I'd stalk off, in search of Alec. In times like those, he and I would unwind in his basement, competing at Mario Kart on the GameCube. Eventually Isabelle would come downstairs and apologize. She'd grab a controller and we'd all be okay.

"Clary?" Jace whispered.

I nodded my head. In any other case, his bewildered eyes would have made me smirk. Now, however, was a different story. Somehow, he knew that this was a serious instant. For a moment, we only stared at each other. Finally, he spoke quietly, breaking the deafening silence between us, even though the music was still pounding through our veins.

"You look good, angel."

I blushed and returned the compliment. "Yeah, you do too."

I looked down for a second, and when I looked back up, Jace's stunning eyes had shifted from realization to seriousness, and maybe even a small touch of sadness.

"Why are you still sitting here with me?" Jace said quietly, sounding perplexed.

He shook his head before studying my face again. "You've changed so much."

I nodded. "It's been years since you saw me last," I commented, almost bitterly.

"I know. I know, Clare, if I thought saying sorry was going make you feel better, I'd say it. With you, however, it won't. I know it won't," he said.

I sighed. "You're right, it won't."

We sat in silence for a while. Jace broke the silence. "How bout I take you out for coffee? We can get to know each other again," Jace suggested.

I considered his offer. I tipped my head up, and smiled defiantly. "Make it dinner, and it's a deal."

Jace laughed, "You, my dear, are a handful. It's a deal." He held his hand out and I shook it.

"Now, you can walk me home, like a gentleman," I replied.

"You still afraid of the streets, Fray?" Jace smirked at me.

"No," I scoffed, allowing a small smile to peek through. "I just don't have money for a cab."

He paid for both of our drinks, and taking my hand in his, Jace started pushing his way through the sweaty, grinding bodies. He finally nudged the front doors outward, and we escaped from the alcoholics inside. I was relieved when we finally pushed our way through the lines of loitering people and made our way to the street.

Jace let go of my hand once we'd reached the sidewalk, and I almost sighed from the lack of warmth Jace's hand had originally been providing me. I hugged my elbows, shivering in my short dress. I glanced up at Jace, noticing all the fine curves of his face. A small smirk lifted the side of his face, and I knew he'd caught me staring.

"Admiring my fantastic features?" Jace said arrogantly.

I blushed slightly, and shook my head. "I was just noticing the giant pimple on your forehead." I laughed as he frantically brought a hand up and began searching for the nonexistent zit.

He glared at me as he realized that I was just pulling on his leg. I bumped into him lightly with my shoulder and he returned the gesture. As he did, a wave of nostalgia surged through me, making my heart feel heavy inside my chest. I shook my head and cast my eyes down to my feet, waiting for these feelings that I hadn't felt in years to fall back into the deepest pits of my mind.

Jace seemed to notice my change in mood, and he reached down and squeezed my hand. I stopped walking and turned to face him, sighing as I locked my emerald eyes on his bright amber eyes. "Clare-" Jace started.

"No," I cut him off, "Don't. It won't make me feel any better."

Jace sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "I know it won't, but I feel like I need to do something, Clare. I know what I did was wrong. Everybody does, and honestly, I don't know how to make it up to anyone. You especially," he finished. We started walking again, stopping in front of my apartment complex

"I know, Jace," I whispered. "Why don't we get dinner tomorrow and catch up?" I suggested, wanting to get off the subject of my feelings. He nodded and smiled lightly.

"Okay, I'll pick you up here at seven. Sound good?" he commented, nodding towards my complex.

I nodded, "That sounds great. Fancy or casual?" I questioned.

"Semi-fancy," he replied, "And wear your hair down, okay?"

I nodded, somewhat stunned by his reaction. "Why wear my hair down?" I wondered.

"I always liked it better that way," he said, twirling a lose curl around his finger. I smiled nervously.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I replied. Before he began walking away, he brought our entwined hands to his lips, and pressed a feather light kiss on my hand. I blushed slightly and he let go of my hand, turning to walk away. I called out after him a second later, and he turned to look at me.

"I don't have your number, Jace."

Jace chuckled and walked back over to me, reaching into my small clutch purse at my side and pulling my phone out. He handed it to me, indicating for me to unlock it. I handed it back to after I put my password in, and he dialed his number in, saving his number under Hot, Sexy, Seductive Man. I laughed as he handed my phone back to me, and turned to walk away again.

"Until next time, angel," Jace called over his shoulder.

I smiled, embarrassed, and made my way inside. Little did I know that Jace turned and watched me as I headed inside, just like he always used to.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

My apartment was nothing special.

As you walked into my small abode, you are greeted with light blue curtains and soft gray couches. A decent size T.V stood on an entertainment center, holding all my movies in its nooks and crannies. A tall, black bookshelf was situated in the corner of the living room, bearing the weight of all my books. Few pictures of my family declared themselves in their spot on my walls. Other than that, there was nothing else in my living room.

My kitchen was small. I had a rule whenever I had company that only one person was allowed in the kitchen at a time because that was about all that would fit. In all honesty, you could probably fit five people in my kitchen if they were all standing next to each other. However, I was only one person and I figured it would fit me for the time being.

My bathroom was also quite small, but it suited to me and my needs. A bathtub-shower mix was pushed against the farthest wall, sitting horizontally as you walked into the bathroom. The toilet was placed next to the bathtub and a small sink next to it. A medicine cabinet with a mirror on the outside sat above the sink. A pretty beach shower curtain was hung next to the bathtub.

Finally, was my bedroom. One wall was painted a delicate lilac purple. My bed was centered against the far wall with a pretty purple sheet and a comforter with swirls of violet dancing across it. A black nightstand sat next to my bed, and a dark colored desk was placed in the corner. Other than that, the room was empty.

It was six o'clock the next day, and I was surprisingly calm and collected. I was standing in my bathroom, cleaning up my messy curls with my curling iron. Warm curls cascaded down to the middle of my back when I was finally finished. I added a touch of mascara to my long lashes, and when I was done with that, it was already six thirty.

I stepped into my small walk-in closet, scanning my clothes for the perfect outfit. I finally decided on a plain, knee length, black dress. I put on my worn, black sneakers and grabbed my small handbag. I pushed my phone and my wallet into the bag before striding into the living room. I turned _Netflix_ on as I still had twenty five minutes before Jace was supposed to be here. I turned on _American Horror Story_ and began re-watching the first season.

Before long, I hear the lobby buzzer going off, signaling Jace's arrival. I turn the T.V off with a sigh, grabbing my handbag before locking my front door and heading downstairs. I walked with confidence, breathing steadily.

As I entered the lobby, Jace stood waiting for me at the reception desk. Jace, who seemed to be striking up a conversation with Steve, the man at the desk, looked up upon noticing my arrival. His eyes widened a fraction, and his mouth stretched slowly into a smile as he took me in. Steve waved to me on my way out with Jace, smirking slightly. I rolled my eyes at him, and waved back.

As Jace and I walk out of the lobby, he looped his arm in mine, and leaned down slightly, his breath cool against my cheek and neck.

"You look amazing," he mentioned, his voice deeper than usual.

I blushed and smiled shyly at him. "Thank you," I said, sincerity rushing in and out of my soft voice.

As we walked, I wondered if that was what it would have been like had he not left only ten years earlier. I felt another wave of sadness rushing throughout my body. I shook my head slightly, ridding my mind of those thoughts for right now. I would not show vulnerability like that in front of Jace. Jace would not, no…, could not know that I was still hurting because of his actions. Especially actions that took place many years ago. I was a grown woman. Feelings I experienced as an immature child should not have any effect on me now.

"Where are we going?" I wondered aloud.

"I guess you will just have to wait and see," Jace said playfully. I shook my head, a small smile shining through my cool demeanor.

The day I met Jace Lightwood was not a particularly delightful one. While he was very closed off, he did not hide the fact that hated me as soon as he saw me. Well, maybe not as soon as he saw me, but he definitely did not like me.

At first, I was confused. I had not done anything to him. We had never spoken to each other, we had never fought, we had never before seen each other in our lives, however, for some unknown reason, he despised me most.

I'm not going to lie; Jace was a very likable person, despite the fact that he hated me. Because of this, I tried my hardest to befriend him. I was polite to him every time I saw him, I always asked how he was doing, and above all, I tried to understand him.

I knew that he was just a confused boy; a confused boy that confused everyone else. I knew nothing of his personal life before he was brought to the Lightwoods for assistance. I knew nothing of his gorgeous mother who adored him or his tough father who was always mentor to him. I had heard whispers between our parents, thoughts of therapy and counseling brought to light amongst the grown-ups.

I didn't understand why Jace could possibly need therapy. He seemed like any other boy other than the fact that that he'd been adopted by the Lightwoods. He didn't always seem particularly happy, but he'd always seemed to be okay. He pulled himself together more times than not, and he never let anybody, except occasionally Alec, see his weaknesses.

So I did my best to understand him. But it was not until that day in the rain under the pavilion at the park, that I actually understood him. That was also the day that he stopped hating me. He trusted me, more than Alec at that point. He opened up to me, and that was something he had not done before. That day meant a lot to me, but it must have meant much, much more to him.

The waiter brought our food out to us shortly after ordering. The restaurant was quite nice and definitely out of my price range. As we ate, we asked the regular questions when getting to know someone, but soon that got quite boring and kind of cliché. I mean, we knew each other better than the back of our hands at one point in time. To some extent, we still did. With our past, questions concerning favorite colors or food allergies seemed to be irrelevant, honestly.

However, I continued this banter that Jace seemed to appreciate. Toward the end of the meal, Jace tone got serious.

"How is Alec?" he all but whispered.

I smiled slightly, thinking of Alec, who'd become one of my best friends in the past few years, particularly after Jace left. Jace was closest to Alec and me, and we were the two that were affected most. Everybody else, of course, was hurting also, but the two of us felt the blow deeper than the rest. Through that pain, Alec and I bonded and we became best friends.

"He is great. He married Magnus last year. You remember Magnus right?" I questioned.

A small smile shone through Jace's calmness. Jace was always one of hide his true emotions. That was a quality his father had forced upon him.

"Yeah, Magnus is good for him. Always has been," he replied almost sadly.

"Yeah, they are looking to adopt sometime soon but they have not been having a lot of a ton of luck," I commented.

"Why is that?" Jace wondered aloud.

"Well, they want a baby, and they have not found a couple that wants to give up their baby. They actually did have a couple a while back, but then the couple found out that Magnus and Alec are gay, and they refused to give them their baby. That really hurt Alec, you know?" I explained.

Jace nodded understandingly. "Alec always has been very sensitive about his sexuality and people's discrimination about things they fail to understand or stand by and the degree of how well he'd be accepted not only as a business man, but also has a person," Jace said tiredly.

I nodded, completely agreeing with him. "I know! Alec deserves so much better though. He is really amazing. One of my best friends ever," I said.

"When did that happen?" Jace inquired.

I pulled a sheepish face. "Well, right after you left. Alec and I were the ones who were hurt the most because we knew you the best, so we kind of just bonded over the pain," I answered truthfully.

Jace's face stayed void of any emotion, but I had learned a long time ago that if you wanted to know how Jace was feeling, you should not look at his face. You had to look in his eyes. He tried hard to contain all feelings deep within him, where he would later release them in the privacy of his bedroom. His eyes, however, deceived him. His eyes showed every emotion he felt.

And in this very moment, his eyes showed hurt and sadness.

I was always amazed by Jace's ability to hide his feelings. I mean, it made him seem even stronger, dealing with all his personal demons, all the while keep a straight face. It was almost beautiful in all. It was a beautiful kind of suffering.

I know that that sounds horrible, but it was the truth. One thing I could say about Jace was that, shockingly, he was there for everyone. He was a genuinely sweet boy. All of thought that because of his sweetness, he was unfazed by his past; we were so wrong. We didn't know that Jace was suffering. We should have, but we didn't. It wasn't until Alec skipped baseball practice one day, resulting in him coming home early, that we realized the true extent of Jace's depression.

Alec unlocked the front door, kicking his shoes off before closing the door behind him. He wandered into the kitchen in search of a snack, when he heard him.

Curiously, Alec treaded up the stairs silently, stopping in front of Jace's bedroom door. The door was closed, but Alec could still hear Jace's sobs from inside. Alec didn't know whether to knock, alerting Jace of his presence, or if he should just go in and be there for his adoptive brother.

Knowing Jace, Alec knocked lightly, waiting for an answer from the stunning young boy inside. The door opened a moment later, revealing a side of Jace that he had never seen before. It was odd to Alec that he had never noticed the sadness lurking around just beneath Jace's very skin. Jace stood in front of Alec, tears marking their paths on his soft cheeks and his eyes puffy and agitated.

The damaged boy did nothing, only standing in front of Alec, realizing that he'd been caught. His face sunk even more than it already was at the realization, and Alec opened his arms instinctively. Jace fell into them and let Alec support him for a while. And though Jace didn't tell Alec why he was hurting, Alec and Jace were a lot closer.

I was the first person Jace ever opened up to, and I was honored to be that person for him. I knew that Alec knew he was hurting, but I acted normal around him still because how else was I supposed to act when he hated me?

As I noticed Jace's sadness, I knew that he regretted asking me that question.

"Jace, listen," I started, but before I could get any farther, Jace cut me off.

"So when are we going to hang out next?" Jace asked, changing the subject.

"Well, I don't know," I responded, wanting to talk about the elephant in the room but knowing that Jace would rather not.

"How about Thursday night? We could go to a movie or something," he suggested.

"Um, okay, that sounds good," I agreed.

Jace flashed a dazzling smile, stood up, having already paid the bill. I stood up as well, and Jace looped his arm through mine. We strode out of the restaurant, and just walked around the city for another hour, talking here and there. Mostly, we just enjoyed each other's company.

After he walked me back to my apartment, and we said goodbye for the night, I headed into my building, saying hi to Steve on my way. As I opened my apartment door, I leaned against it, resting my head back. I smiled despite myself. My heart soon filled dread though as I realized that, yes. This is what it would've been like if Jace had not left all those years before. And that scared me. The last time this happened, my heart was broken severely.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Jace, I'm sorry but I can't make that movie tonight," I said into the phone.

"What? Why not?" Jace asked, almost anxiously.

"Well, Izzy called me. She really needs me. I'm on my way over there now."

Jace sighed on the other line. "Okay, I understand. Text me later?" he questioned.

"Yeah, I'll text you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay, sounds great," I could almost hear his grin through the phone. I hung up, shoving my phone into my messenger bag at my side. I laid my head against the back of the taxi cab, closing my eyes. I'd called Magnus late last night, telling him about my date with Jace. Well, my maybe date.

To be honest, I did not know whether it was a date or not. I think that Jace intended for it to be a date, but I am not sure about how I feel about that. I knew that this would happen to me. Jace is like my kryptonite. I might vow to stay away from him, to only act like that around him. Of all people, though, I know this will not work. Don't they always say that if you pretend long enough, it will become your reality?

Still, I am a little panicked. But I'm also a little excited. After all, Jace and I are older now. We are more mature than we were when we were teenagers. Maybe it could work out this time?

Once I reach this point in my argument, however, I always remind myself of what he did and how broken I was. As much as I would like to believe that he is not the same person that he was a decade ago, which he probably is not, he may or may not be involved with drugs. In which case, he might just be a worse person.

Selfishly, I could not help but keep thinking about how bad this will be for me. What about Alec? Or Magnus? But most of all, what about Jace? What would happen to him? If he did end up having to go to court, he would most likely get charged with prison time; a pretty lengthy time, not to mention. He would also never forgive me. I would never have another chance with him. I could never help him to be a better man.

That is the thing I kept going back to isn't it, though? Did I even _want_ another chance with him? Could I love him?

Actually, that was a stupid question. Of course I could love him. It was a matter of fact if I could believe he could love me. If I could fool myself into being happy under the false belief of love. I did it once, and it did not end well for me.

Magnus was overjoyed that Jace was this open to a friendship with me. Magnus needed me to do this, and for now that was all that was keeping me going. I could put all of the questions in my head out of my mind if I just thought of this as a favor to Magnus, and maybe even to Alec. God knew I could do this for them. I knew how hurt Alec was.

I laid on my side, blankets engulfing me as I sobbed into my pillow.

My chest felt empty but full at the same time, like my heart was ripped out and scattered about the room, but also like my sadness was the only emotion I knew.

This was what heartbreak felt like.

As another wave of sadness hit me, I clenched my teeth together to try to smother another sob from escaping. I could hear my mother on the other side of my closed bedroom door, asking if she could come in, but each time I had declined.

I knew that I should not have fallen for him. I knew it would mean bad things for us, for our friendship, for me. I still let myself though because it was new, and it was Jace and I honestly believed he would not leave me or hurt me in any way.

I struggled for breath as another cry rose inside me. I whimpered, my face damp with tears and my eyes red. I brought my hands to my chest, trying to stop the pain residing in my soul.

My mother had stopped knocking a while ago, seemingly giving up on her pointless effort to make me feel better, only to be replaced with Alec's soft knocking.

Alec was like my older brother. We annoyed each other to no extent, but if anything ever happened to me, Alec was there. Whether it was sneaking video games with me when I was grounded or scaring that kid on the playground that was mean to me.

Apparently break ups were also an occasions when he was here.

I got up miserably, unlocking the door for him. I pulled the door open for him, and he just opened his arms. I fell into them, bawling miserably. His arms enveloped me and I sobbed into his chest, clutching his shirt.

And while I was still hurting more than anyone could imagine, Alec's steadiness made me feel better.

Arriving in front of Isabelle's apartment, I paid the cab driver and grabbed my purse and bags. I began making my descent to Izzy's front door, checking my grocery bags just to make sure I'd got everything. Although she hadn't said what was wrong but she'd been my best friend for years. I'd sat with her through every breakup she'd ever had. I knew that Meliorn had broken up with her.

Meliorn was Isabelle's current boyfriend. Every one of her friends didn't like the guy, especially not Alec, but Isabelle was blind whenever it came to love. Or more so what she assumed and hoped to be love.

I loved Izzy to death, but this was the one thing that drove me absolutely insane about her. Isabelle was love crazy. But it wasn't just a little bit here and there. It was after the first date with every single guy she ever started seeing. She was anxious to be loved and it was the biggest flaw about her. God knew she didn't have any problem with her looks. She was gorgeous. She always had been gorgeous, even as a child. I had always been jealous of that about her.

One thing I had not been jealous of was this habit that she repeated time after time after time. It got tedious. Annoying.

So when she had called me that afternoon, I knew it was not because of a broken fingernail or the need, in her case, to go shopping at the mall. It was because he had broken up with her. So, there I was, standing on her doorstep, ready to assemble her pieces for the hundredth time.

I dug around in my purse, and pulled out the spare key she had given me years ago. I entered her apartment, and set the grocery bags down in the kitchen, heading into her living room, where I knew she would be entangled in her comforter from her bed.

I sat down next to her on the couch, and leaned my head on my hand. "What happened?" I asked, gently.

"We were out to breakfast and he broke up with me!" she wailed.

I nodded and put my free hand on her knee.

"He said that I was getting too invested in our relationship! Can you believe that? I do not get too invested in relationships. Maybe he was not invested enough!" Izzy exclaimed.

"Izzy, if he cannot see what a beautiful and smart and energetic and caring girl you are, then he does not deserve for you to be invested in your relationship with him," I said positively.

"But he said he loved me! And I love him! How could he do this to me?" she cried.

"You know that guys like that exist out there. You know what they want. Izzy, why do you let yourself fall in love with guys you know will not be able to return your feelings. I mean, everyone is capable of loving people, but most guys this young do not want to be tied down to one girl. You know this better than anyone."

"But I actually believed him. He said he was not like those other guys."

"Isabelle, whenever a guy says that, run the opposite direction. Any guy who says that line is like all those other guys. It is like a cult, Izzy. The "I'm Not Like Those Guys" Cult," I stated.

Iz wiped her eyes and nodded, laughing a little bit. "This is why you are my best friend, Clary."

"I know," I whispered, smiling slightly at her. "I have ice cream; you want some?" I asked.

She nodded and I went to the kitchen, grabbing two containers of ice cream and a couple of spoons for us. As I walked back in the living, I handed Isabelle her favorite ice cream, Rocky Road, before sitting down next to her again.

As she rambled on and on about how she deserved better and how she was going to be pickier about the men she dated from now on, I zoned out, still nodding when appropriate.

I sat under the park pavilion, waiting for the rain to stop. I knew that something had been going on with him. He was not as open with me as he used to be. Deep down inside me, I knew he was going to breakup with me. There was no avoiding it anymore. No more pretending. He would not let me even hold his hand anymore.

So when he did break up with me, I already knew that he was going to. I was depressed. I knew I was, and so I went to the park, where he had first opened up to me. I knew it was stupid to come here, especially since I left without telling anyone and I had no way to get back home and I was still afraid of walking the streets of Manhattan alone.

I watched the rain pour, reveling in it. I found myself loving the rain more and more ever since I realized that Jace and I were not going to last. The steadiness of unsynchronized rain drops pattering on the rooftops calmed me, and the chilly bite of the air as I hugged my elbows around my waist made me feel not so alone.

Which, in all honesty, was a little strange. I had noticed in the past few weeks, however, that life was also strange. One minute you could be completely happy and blissful, and the next you could be completely crumbling apart, breaking the little bubble that you thought kept you safe but really it just protected you from the truth. I had noticed that sometimes it was better to break that bubble.

I thought that I had it all. I mean, I had a loving family that would do anything in their power to bring me joy. I had best friends that always stood by my side, even when they were falling apart themselves. I had friends that cared about me. I had a nice house and food on my table and money. I was well off. I would be able to go to college. I had a loving boyfriend, who I had thought would never hurt me. I had a loving boyfriend, who I thought would never leave me.

While I still had the loving family and best friends, I had lost the boyfriend. I told myself it was stupid to be this torn apart about something that I couldn't help. He was just a person. A person who had told me I was special and beautiful and perfect to him. Was I no longer perfect in his eyes? Was I no longer beautiful? Was I no longer special?

"We should go to Pandemonium tonight!" Izzy squealed. That declaration snapped me out of my thoughts, making my eyes widen as I stared at her. Just _five seconds ago_ , she was talking about being tired of being treated wrongly, and now she wanted to go out to a bar?

One thing that never ceased to amaze me about Isabelle Lightwood was her ability to feel something so strongly one moment, and then feel another completely different emotion the next.

"Um, I thought you would rather stay in tonight. You know, to kind of mourn your relationship. I rented a bunched of movies," I suggested, hoping to not go to Pandemonium on the off chance that Jace happened to go there instead.

"No, I want to go out. I want to make out with the first guy I see, and I want to get over Meliorn. I want to get back out there," she said determined.

"Iz, you really should just chill for a little bit. Give your heart a break you know?" I reasoned.

"No, we're going to Pandemonium tonight. Period."

I sighed. "I will go on one condition," I replied.

"Fine, what is it?"

"You absolutely cannot take any of them home."

Isabelle gasped. "I would never!" she claimed, whole heartedly.

I laughed, and after a harsh glare, she started laughing too.

Two hours later, Isabelle and I were standing in line at Pandemonium. I kept glancing around nervously, searching for Jace. After standing in line for quite some time, and having not seen Jace, I realized that we probably weren't going to see him. He told me to text him later when I got done at Izzy's. That means he'd be in a place where he'd be able to hear his phone easily enough and well, Pandemonium was not one of those places.

Pushing that concern out of my mind, I was ready to have fun and just let loose, and tonight I had decided to ignore my rule of only drinking cokes. I would drink something else tonight and just have a little bit of fun tonight. I deserved it and I did not need to go to work tomorrow. I did not know when the next time was that I'd be going to work honestly. Until Jace opened up to me? Until I cracked this case? I did not know, but I was not going to complain.

Isabelle and I made our way to the bar and ordered our drinks. Ace was luckily not here tonight and I thanked god inwardly for letting me avoid that bullet. I downed my shot and ordered two more, before hitting the dance floor with Izzy. Halfway through the first song, though, Izzy started grinding on this guy behind her. I laughed at her, and walked back to the bar, ordering a couple more shots.

My head was feeling somewhat fuzzy at this point in the night. I was having a nice time. I was letting go of all my problems for a night, and that felt amazing. I stumbled back to the dance floor trying to fight my way to where I'd left Izzy, but when I got there, she was gone. I stood on my tip toes, nearly falling over in the process of it all, and I giggled.

Someone bumped into me from behind and I almost landed on my behind, bursting into giggles once again. I wobbled back to the bar, ordering another drink, and finishing it in no time. I tapped the guy next to me and smiled goofily at him.

"Hey, have you seen my friend? She's about yay tall," I paused to raise my hand in the air to show her height, "and she's really pretty. She has long black hair," I clarified, laughing at his expression.

He shook his head and apologized before taking his drink and walking away from me. I huffed and sank down into the bar stool. I quickly grabbed my phone out of my little bag, surprising myself by the fact that I still had it, and found Alec's name in my contact list. I pressed the call button and waited impatiently for him to answer. The world was spinning just a bit in my vision and I laughed as I felt dizzy.

Alec answered after a few seconds, sounding extremely drowsy. "Hello?"

"Hi Alec!" I answered, drawing each syllable out more than needed. I giggled at myself and waited for his response.

"Hi Clare. What's up?" he sighed.

"Well," I said, dragging the word out, "I'm at Pandemonium and I think that Izzy left me here! Can you believe that?" I exclaimed dramatically.

"Let me guess, you need someone to come pick you up?" Alec replied.

"Yeah, please?" I begged, like a child asking for ice cream on a hot, sunny day, "I spent my extra money on getting in and then I drank a lot." My eyes widened. "Like a lot," I drawled.

Alec chuckled quietly. "Okay, I'll be there in a few. Be waiting outside please? I don't want to go in and find you."

"Mkay!" I replied bubbly."I'm just gonna get another drink, and then I'll be out!" I promised.

"Hurry, okay? I'll be there in less than five minutes."

"Thanks Alec! I love you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Love you too Clare. Be there soon."

Alec hung up, and I went to the bar. Ordering quickly, I drank my last two shots of the night, and ordered one hard lemonade to go. When I went outside, I saw Alec in his car waiting for me. He was in his pajamas, consisting of a pair of sweatpants and a plain grey T-shirt. His normally combed hair was mussed and messy; proving to me that my call had woke him up. He smiled tiredly, greeting me as I stumbled clumsily into his car, giggling the whole time.

He passed a hand through his hair, and sighed. "I thought that you did not like drinking as much?" he commented.

"Yeah, I do but Izzy got dumped and she really, really wanted to come to Pandemonium and I did not want to, but she said I would have fun, and I just really wanted to have fun, so I got some drinks and then I just kept drinking and I am having a lot of fun now," I finished in one breath.

Alec looked at me like I'd just grown another head. He shook his head and started driving. Halfway to my apartment, Alec glanced at me.

"Do you have your house keys with you?" Alec asked.

I smiled sheepishly at him, realizing that I left them at Isabelle's under the impression that we were going to be catching a cab together after our night out and I'd be sleeping over there. "I left them at Izzy's house," I giggled.

Alec sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot tonight. "You can sleep on the couch at our place okay?"

I nodded my head, grinning at him. We reached his and Magnus's house. It was small, but they owned it, and it had a couple of extra rooms that they would eventually use as bedrooms once they were finally able to adopt. Until that point in time however, they used the rooms as an office and a storage room. I stumbled inside and nearly tripped over my own feet, but the important part is that I got inside!

When Alec went to the storage room to get a pillow and blanket for me, I wandered into his and Magnus's room, where Magnus was resting peacefully on his side. I walked around to his side of the bed, trying to be as quiet as a mouse, and when I got to him, I leaned down folding my arms on his side, and resting my head on them. Magnus stirred slightly.

"Alec?"

"No, it's me. Clary, you silly goose!" I giggled again.

"Oh, hey biscuit. Is everything okay?" he asked, sounding concerned for my well being.

"Yeah, I'm drunk," I said, chortling at my own comment like I'd been doing all night.

Magnus sighed just as Alec had been doing all night, and pushed his covers off of himself. He wrapped one of my arms around himself, and put an arm around my shoulders, helping me into the living room where Alec was waiting with the blankets and pillows. Magnus helped me lie down and get situated, before tucking me in like a child, and kissing my forehead.

"Good night biscuit," he said softly before heading back to his bedroom, passing Alec on the way.

"Be quick, okay?" Alec nodded and Magnus left the room.

Alec sat down next to me, and brushed a few stray strands of my wild, curly, red hair out of my face. My mind was running at a thousand miles an hour, thinking bazillions of thoughts at a second. My eyes studied Alec's features with a deeper intensity than I had in a very long time. His bright blue eyes seemed tired; aged. He looked worn down, no doubt from the adoption process he and his lover were suffering through. His normally bright and cheery face was dragged down with deep bags under his eyes. I frowned and brought my thumb up to touch the dark spots under his eyes, as if I could smear them away with just my touch.

"What's wrong, Alec?" my drunken state asked.

"Nothing, Clare bear. I am just tired," he replied, with droopy eyes. I nodded.

"Thanks for picking me up, Alec," I said childishly.

Alec chuckled. "Any time." He gave a small smile, before leaning down, kissing my forehead just as Magnus had not five minutes before and stood up, leaving the room.

I watched as he left and soon felt very lonely as I was not tired in the least bit. So, my mind wandered to the places I had been doing good to avoid.

I was angry at Jace. It was stupid to be angry at something he did many years ago, but he could have gotten help. I could have helped him. I could have talked to him about what he was feeling. It was not just the fact that he broke up with me. It was what he did before that even that really started breaking my heart. My heart was truly broken just moments before he broke up with me.

I had to admit to myself; I was happy he had left when he did when we were younger. We were kids and I was furious at him and depressed because of him. Even though him leaving took another chunk of my heart, and several chunks out of the Lightwoods' and my own parents hearts, I could not help but be satisfied because of his departure. It was my own selfish desires that made me think that him leaving was best for us.

That only lasted for about two weeks. Do not get me wrong, I was devastated that he had left; I was devastated by the reactions displayed by my loved ones and their desperation to find him, to bring back to us.

In the midst of all of this, though, Alec was the only one there that was realizing that I was hurting from the betrayal and sadness from my heartbreak. Jace was the first boy I had ever fallen in love with, and he was the first person that ever broke my heart. There was bound to be some bitterness. Alec and I began hanging out much more after he left. While we close before, the event of Jace's departure only pushed us together.

At one point in time, I had had the biggest crush on Alec. It was stupid and took place before he came out. It was because of the bond Jace had forced upon us though that created this little crush. It might have also been the fact that I was so desperate to like someone else because I was so tired of being hung up on Jace.

As I lay alone in Magnus and Alec's living room, drunk, a silent tear rolled down my cheek. I sniffled, and wiped it away before uncovering myself and rolling onto the floor. More tears cascaded down my face and I swatted at them before just giving up and crawling to Alec and Magnus's room. I went to Magnus's side of the bed and shook him slightly. He turned to face me and groaned before wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Biscuit? You okay?" His voice was slightly deeper than normal. I shook my head in response to his question, and he pushed himself up on his elbows, looking to Alec before swinging his feet out of the bed soundlessly, and standing up. He helped me to my feet, and helped me stumbled to the living room, where we both sat down on the couch.

Magnus pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly, but not too tight. When he pulled back, I noticed that his face looked much plainer than I was used to. His eyes were clear of any sparkles or eyeliner and his hair was shiny, but clean of glitter. His face looked quite tired, but his eyes were clear of any sign of sleepiness.

"What's wrong Biscuit?" he asked gently, brushing my hair behind my ears.

I whimpered. "He's gonna break me again, Mags." More tears flowed swiftly down my cheeks.

Magnus only smiled back at me, brushing my tears away with his thumb.

"He is not going to break you, I promise."

"How do you know that?" I wondered.

"Because you will not make that same mistake again. I know you Clary. If you allow yourself to fall in love with him again, you will make sure that you do not get hurt again. You are going to think it through before you open your heart to him again. You are smarter now Clary. You know this, and even if you do get your heart broken again, we are all here for you. Do you not remember what Alec told you the first time?"

I nodded, recalling the words. "Love doesn't die; it just changes."

"Do you still love Jace?" Magnus questioned.

"I love hanging out with him. I love texting him. I love talking to him. I don't know if that qualifies as loving him."

"Maybe it doesn't. But your love for him changed. Instead of loving his person like you used to, you love his personality instead. Do you like the way he makes you feel?"

"He makes me feel nervous," I admitted. "Like there are a dozen butterflies in my stomach," I continued.

"He makes me feel giddy. I get excited whenever we have something planned. I get anxious if he doesn't reply to my texts for a while because I start thinking that he does not like something that I have said." A small smile appeared on my face.

"I like that way he pokes me in the side while he is teasing me, or how he reaches down and takes my hand while he walks me home late at night. I like how intensely he gazes into my eyes when he is trying to figure out what is running through my mind. I like Jace. But I cannot think like that right now, Mags. I need to focus on the case, and if I let my feelings get involved, you and I both know that we do not know that I will turn him in if I find him guilty," I said, staring at him with an intense gaze.

"I know Biscuit. I know," Magnus whispered.

My eyes, finally feeling droopy, started sliding down, and Magnus stood up, allowing me to stretch out and lay down. He tucked me in as he did earlier that night, and I closed my eyes as he left the room, falling into a deep peaceful sleep.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I woke up early the next morning before Alec or Magnus and left quietly, leaving a note. I thanked them for being gracious enough to offer me their couch, and I thanked Magnus for staying up to talk to me and calm me down.

I hailed a cab, riding over to Isabelle's house, where I used the key under her doormat to get inside. The house seemed quiet, not different from how it was yesterday before we left. As I walked to the counter in her small kitchen to retrieve my keys, I heard the floor creak behind me and I spun quickly to be greeted with a dorky looking boy, who was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, standing before me.

I reached behind me anxiously for my keys, holding one of them in front of me as a sort of self defense. The boy noticed me and jumped back as his eyes took in my make shift weapon.

"Who are you and why are you in my best friend's house?" I demanded.

"I-I- My name is Simon Lewis. I met Isabelle at the club last night and sh-she brought me here!" Simon Lewis stuttered.

"Did you sleep with her?" I blamed.

He looked like I just told him I was a serial killer as his eyes widened in shock. "What? No! She just invited me over and she kept coming on to me, and I told her she should just go to bed because she was drunk!" He recalled quickly.

"Were you not drunk then? You were going to take advantage of my friend!" I accused.

"What?" His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. "No! I would never do that to someone! I was drunk too!" He exclaimed.

I studied him for a moment. His curly brown hair was sticking up in random places because of his sleeping positions and his big, framed glasses sitting crookedly on his nose. His chocolate brown eyes were wide, evaluating my every move. His was tall, but lanky, looking awkward. I lowered my key, deciding to believe that he would not seduce my friend in her crazy drunken state. I walked behind the kitchen counter, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and filling it was water for him before digging around in my purse for a couple ibuprofens. I handed him the pills and then the water, which he took gratefully for what was no doubt a very bad hangover.

"Thank you-," he trailed off.

"Clary." I clarified for him.

"Clary. Thank you Clary." I nodded my head once and began my long queue of questions about the previous night.

"So why did you come back here with her?"

"She invited me over and I was enjoying my time with her so I agreed," he said shortly.

"Did you kiss her?"

"No, she kissed me."

"Did she try to get you in bed with her?"

Simon's face was extremely red by this point in the conversation, and that made him somewhat likeable. He was obviously not comfortable with this conversation but he was still answering my questions despite his current state of comfort.

"Yes, and I told her to go to bed," Simon stuttered.

"Why are you still here then?"

"Well, I was really, really drunk last night. I did not really trust myself to hail a cab and not lose my keys or my money or whatever."

This made me see him as a responsible drunk which was also highly likeable to me. If only Isabelle would bring guys like him home more often. I've known him for less than ten minutes and I already like him more than I ever liked Meliorn.

"Did you sleep on the couch then?" Simon nodded and I replied by excusing myself from the kitchen, not before grabbing another glass and two more ibuprofens for my hung over best friend. I told him not to go anywhere, still not trusting him to be alone in the house in Isabelle's apartment.

I wandered through Izzy's house, stopping at her bedroom door before barging in on the most unflattering scene I had ever seen Isabelle in.

Her hair was stuck to her forehead, a few strands sitting in her mouth. Her makeup was smudged all over her face and I knew she'd freak out when she looked in the mirror next. I smiled slightly, wishing I could be here for the major freak out that was bound to happen. Her mouth was open and drool was spilling down, leaving a wet mark on her pillow. I stifled a laugh, as I tried to make my way to her bed through the masses of clothes, clean and dirty, on the floor.

When I finally reached my destination in her messy room, I put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her lightly to wake her up. When that did not work, I shook harder and harder until I finally opened her curtains letting the bright light in. She groaned and moved her soggy pillow to cover her face before gasping in surprise. She threw the pillow to the floor and covered her eyes with her arm.

"Close the sun," she groaned.

I chuckled and closed the curtains, plopping myself down on her bed. I handed her the water and the pain killers and she looked at me appreciatively.

"So, you should probably get up now, as your company is awake," I commented.

She looked confused, before her eyes widened and she pushed herself into a sitting position, and threw herself out of her bed. She ran to the bathroom, and I grinned as I realized that I would indeed be able to witness Isabelle's freak out. I heard her scream quietly and she rushed out.

"Why didn't you tell me I looked like a hobo?" she screeched.

"You do not look like a hobo." I smiled.

"I do too, Clarissa Morgenstern, and you know it!"

I snickered and she rushed back into the bathroom to clean herself up before presenting herself to Simon.

Moments later, her hair was combed and her face porcelain clear. She quickly dressed, and strode into the kitchen, leaving me to follow. I watched as she began making conversation with him. Something about making breakfast. I cut in, explaining that I was going to head back to my apartment. Isabelle dismissed me, saying something about texting me later. I nodded, and left her apartment heading back to my own.

As I hailed the cab, my phone buzzed in my hand. I looked down, getting that familiar giddy feeling when I realized that it was Jace. I smiled slightly, and opened the text.

Hey, you did not call me last night. Are you okay? –J

I smiled at his worrying, and texted back quickly.

I am fine. Call me? Too tired to text. ;)

A moment later, I was greeted with the familiar sound of my ringtone. I slid my thumb across my screen before bringing the phone up to my cheek.

"Well hello there," Jace greeted.

"Hi," I answered.

"So what was up last night? How come you didn't text me or anything?"

"Well, it is a very long story. You sure you want to hear all of it?"

"I would not have asked if I did not want to hear," Jace replied.

I laughed, and began the story. "So Isabelle got dumped yesterday afternoon by this guy that all of us hated, and you know how Isabelle is with falling in love with a guy the second she sees him. Well anyways, she called me over to her house, which was fine because I am her best friend and she needed me.

"So we were talking for a while about how she could not believe he dumped her and that she deserved better and that he was such a nice guy and blah, blah, blah. Well, I zoned out for a few minutes and when I was focused on her again, she was going on about how much we needed to go to Pandemonium because she wanted to throw herself at the first guy she danced with.

"So anyways, we went to Pandemonium, and I got really, really drunk so I ended up calling Alec to come pick me up and he came to get me and I left my keys at Isabelle's so that I would not lose them while we were at the club and Isabelle left without me, so I ended crashing at their house. But I woke both of them up, so they were tired and all," I finished with a sigh.

Jace was chuckling on the other side of the line, and I laughed a little bit. "So you're hung over then?" Jace asked.

"Actually, no, I am not. I do not really get hung over to be honest," I mentioned.

"Well you lucky duck!" he exclaimed. "I get way hung over if I drink more than normal."

"How often do you go drinking?" I asked curiously. "Obviously enough if Ace knows you."

"Oh, Ace. Yeah, I go pretty often just because I do not have anything better to do. Hopefully, that will change now though," he trailed off, smoothly. "Besides, even when I do go, I don't drink that much. A beer here and there at most, but it is never so bad that I am completely drunk or that I cannot find my own way home at night."

I nodded, and then realized that my signal was pointless. "Okay. Hey, you want to go to that new movie tonight?"I suggested.

"I would love to. What time is it at?"

"I don't know. Text you the details? "

"Sounds great," he replied.

"Okay, I'll talk to you tonight then?"

"Perfect. See you tonight, Clary."

"See you tonight, Jace."

As I hung up, I started looking up the movie times on my phone. The movie started at seven. I texted Jace, telling him just that, and asked if he wanted to get dinner too. He replied back quickly, saying that he would pay for dinner and he'd pick me up at five thirty. I smiled, already getting excited for our evening and it was only a quarter after twelve! I smiled, paying the cab driver and heading into my apartment.

I had about five and a half hours before I needed to start getting ready. I wondered what to do in the meantime, noticing the manila folder with Jace's information hidden within it. I sat on my couch, resting the folder on my lap. Opening it up, I began thinking about whether or not I believed that Jace was involved in something as serious as drugs or if he was innocent.

Honestly, my heart wanted to believe that he was not involved. I wanted nothing more than to believe that he was still the sweet boy that I had known before everything else. I hoped that he was still the person that I used to know. Maybe sweet was over stepping it, but I still wanted him to be the boy that I had spent a year and a half of my life with. I got to know him. I did not want to have to get to know him in prison.

I wondered if maybe, even if he was not completely innocent, if I could negotiate a pardon for his crimes in exchange for information about the cartel. If they were desperate enough, they might just go for it. But this was also if I got too attached to Jace, which I was hoping against, although I could already see that this hope was irrational, especially after talking to Magnus last night.

I sighed, and continued looking through the file. There were not any pictures of him associating with the cartel or anyone else who was suspected to be involved with it, but he could also be mailing or having someone else deliver goods to the cartel. Perhaps he is the delivery boy. I do not actually know. Maybe this could be my way of proving he is innocent. He will probably still have to go to trial though, and one thing that I know for absolute certain that he cannot know that I am involved with the police; certainly not the fact that I work for them and that our having met that night was not coincidence.

When I got bored of examining the file and thinking, I turned on _American Horror Story._ Having already finished season one for the second time, I began the second season. I still got a little crept out when the episode began, recalling everything the second season had in store.

I watched for the next four hours because I have nothing better to do with my life and it is really hard to stop watching and be productive when the next episode starts in seventeen seconds! So finally, around five, I started getting ready. I braided my hair in a French braid going straight down my back. I changed into a clean pair of clothes, and when Jace texted me, I went down to meet him.

"Ugh!" Isabelle exclaimed from the kitchen.

Alec and I looked at each other doubtfully before pausing our game of Mario Kart and striding into the kitchen.

"Hey Iz, everything okay?" I asked, hesitantly.

Isabelle turned around pointing a plastic spoon at my face. I gulped and refrained from pinching my nose as the smell of Isabelle's cooking drifted into my nose. The foulness of the over cooked food filled the room, making our eyes sting and our noses scream at us for exposing them to such a horrid smell. I clasped a hand over my mouth to stop from gagging.

"The soup is burnt!" she growled at me, making me jump back at the ferociousness of her voice.

Alec looked down at me uncertainly before casting his gaze back to the cooking disaster in the kitchen.

"How about I help you clean this up and we'll make some soup together? All three of us," Alec suggested. Isabelle deemed the idea acceptable and the siblings began to clean up the mess in the pot. Alec filled a clean pot with water and turned the heat on to the highest heat. He pointed me in the direction of the soup, asking me to get some tomato soup.

Handing me the can opener, Alec turned back to his sister and grabbed a clean spoon from the drawer behind her. He motioned for me to hand Isabelle the can I'd just opened and he instructed her on how to poor it into the pot and stir it up, while he set on making some grilled cheese sandwiches for all of us.

My parents and their parents were out on a date night together that night, and Alec was given the title of babysitter. Of course, Isabelle and I were just barely eight at that point in time and Alec was almost nine and a half. Alec Isabelle and I were roughly around the same height back then. She did not hit her growth spurt until nine, and as for my growth spurt, I think that the growth spurt fairy got the houses mixed up because I only grew an inch that year.

Minutes later, we were all chomping down on our sandwiches and drinking our soup while playing games of Mario Kart, Alec and I laughing whenever Isabelle got third place and threw a fit. After a while of playing the game, Alec put a movie in and we all curled up on the couch together, with Alec sitting in the middle of Isabelle and me.

Eventually, of course, Isabelle and I both fell asleep, leaning our head on each of Alec's shoulders. And when Alec fell asleep his head leaned to the side, and rested above mine. That was how we woke in the morning, and it wasn't until years later that our parents showed us the pictures they had squealed over when they had gotten home.

"Jace, that movie was scary!" I said clinging to Jace's arm as we walked out of the theater. "You told me it would not be scary!" I accused.

Jace threw his head back and laughed at me. I glared at him and he only smiled bigger at me. I gave in, not being able to be angry at him while he was grinning at me like that.

I laughed and he began walking me home like he always did when we were done hanging out for a night. When we stopped in front of my apartment complex, he brought my hand, which had been hanging interlaced between his fingers the whole walk home, to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to my cold knuckles. I blushed under his gaze as he kissed my knuckle, and he smiled slightly back at me.

"Thanks, Jace," I nearly whispered.

"For what?" He asked in the same volume I'd spoken in, his voice low.

"Helping me trust you again," I revealed.

"You did that on your own," he replied quietly.

I shook my head, while he nodded. His bright eyes, darkened by the moonlight, flickered down to my lips, several times before gazing back into my own soft green eyes. His breath quickened and without being able to help myself, I allowed myself a swift glance at his own lips.

He began leaning in slightly, continuing to gaze softly into my eyes, making sure I did not want to pull away. Just as I was about to push myself up on my toes to press my lips to his delicate ones, it started down pouring on us.

I jumped back, gasping loudly, and then laughing. Jace began laughing too, the heavy focus on me fading in his amber eyes.

"C'mon, let's go inside!" I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside, our moment already broken.

We stumbled into my apartment and hung up our coats. We sat down and started laughing, and not five seconds later the power in my apartment went out from the storm. I groaned and Jace started laughing more. I fished in my bag for my phone, and when I finally wrapped my hand around it, I unlocked it, turning my flashlight on as I searched for candles.

I found some, lighting them in the living room, casting a dark orange shadow on everything, reflecting on Jace's hair, making it seem darker than it was. He smiled at me, as I sat back down, having lit five candles that were currently sitting on my coffee table. I looked at him under my lashes, before glancing down at my hands that were fidgeting in my lap.

Jace seemed to notice my nervousness, and reached over, taking one of my hands in his, and bringing my chin up with his thumb.

"There she is," he said softly. I blushed, and Jace's thumb began stroking my cheek softly, and the intense gaze he had had outside returned, something growing in his eyes that I was not quite sure of. He began leaning in again as he stroked my cheek gently, and his eyes flickered down steadily to my lips, remaining there for a moment before gracefully leaping back to my eyes. He leaned in close, his eyes beginning to close. I could feel his breath on my cheeks, my lips, my neck and I panicked, drawing back from him with a sharp breath. His eyes snapped open, and he leaned back, hurt flashing in his eyes but his face remaining clear of emotion.

At that moment, the power flickered back on, engulfing us in its brightness. Jace looked out the window.

"It looks like the rain has stopped. I should probably be leaving while I can," Jace said.

I didn't say anything, only nodding to him. He hesitated for a moment, before standing up, putting his coat on.

"Talk to you sometime, Clary." And he left, shutting the door behind him.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next day, I still had not talked to Jace. I knew that he was hurt after what happened, but I could not help it. I am scared of being with him, scared of being hurt again. I did not want to go through that again. I needed to go through with it because of my mission. I was not the focus here. I did not technically need to trust him. I needed him to trust me.

I wanted him to trust me though, not just because of the mission. I was starting to really like Jace. My mind hated me for it, but I had always been one to listen to my heart more than my mind. I wondered if he now hated me. After all, he had been so nice and sweet to me over the past couple of weeks and I know that he likes me in that way, otherwise he would not have tried to kiss me twice yesterday!

But then again, maybe he is just looking for a fling. Most guys are not looking for something serious at this age. I mean, he is twenty five, almost twenty six! There was too much to hope for with Jace that I just wanted the mission to be over. At least then, I would be hoping for one less thing. Maybe I should not get my hopes up at all. I have learned that hope, too, can break a person just as bad as love.

Love and hope are similar in that way, I suppose.

I called Magnus that morning, and Magnus told me to call him or text him or something. Make plans with him and explain why I did not kiss him. To which I replied how do you tell someone you do not want to kiss them because of the way they left you before? Magnus told me that genuinely, the decision was mine to make; that is just what he thought I should do.

Which is not so crazy, and I think I could make it up to Jace.

So that resulted in me calling Jace an hour later and arranging something for that night. I told him I would pick him up, and I would pay for dinner, but it was what came after dinner that was the part I was sure would make him forgive me.

Until then, I had to figure out what I was feeling. I wanted so badly to run to Jace's house and apologize. Kiss him and make up for last night. To be honest, last night was romantic. The scene outside my apartment building and then with the candles after the storm took my power away from me.

But did I like Jace? Did I like him in the way that I could see myself possibly getting married to him in the future? Did I like him in the way that I could see myself possibly having kids with him? Did I like him in the way that I could possible love him in the future? Did I see him that way?

As I thought about it more and more, I realized that yes, I could see myself doing all of those things with him. Walking down the aisle with my arm linked in my father's, delivering to me a life with Jace. Jace, standing in his suit, smiling so wide at me and his eyes a little watery, reaching down from the alter to take my hand as my father kisses my cheek. Jace, in the delivery room cutting the umbilical cord of our son or daughter, holding them delicately as they wail, his eyes glistening with nothing but love as he looks from our child to me, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I fall asleep.

Jace, planning vacations and seeing football games with him. Sitting down in the living room after a long day at work and finally just relaxing together. Falling asleep, as he wraps his arms around me, while I listen to the steadiness of his heart beating.

I could imagine all of this. There was no one else I could imagine myself with. I sighed, feeling better than I had last night, and fell back against the couch. I still had doubts about all this. I was going to talk to him about those concerns tonight. Who knew if he even still wanted to kiss me after my behavior last night!

I sighed, running a hand over my face, and I closed my eyes. I groaned and looked at the time. I had to start getting ready for the evening in five hours, and I had to be to Jace's in six hours. I had plenty of time, and I had not slept well the night before, so a nap seemed like the perfect way to kill some time. Setting an alarm on my phone, I fell asleep, dreams awaiting my arrival.

Hours later, I stood in front of Jace's front door, knocking quietly. After a couple moments, Jace opened the door, giving a smile that did not reach his eyes.

I noticed the change in his smiles, and sighed quietly before talking in a soft tone.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked, in a cheerful tone despite the anxiousness bubbling inside my chest. He nodded, and I extended my arm, holding my hand out. He took my hand, and we started walking to the restaurant.

During dinner, Jace continued a conversation with me, and if I had known Jace that well I would have thought that this was normal. But during the laughter and the forced smiles, I knew he was confused and hurt. Honestly, the emotions shining in his eyes gave me courage for the last part of the evening.

As we finished dinner, Jace still offered to pay, but I refused and handed the waiter my debit card. He returned a moment later, and Jace and I stood up. I offered him my arm, and he chuckled, looping his arm in mine.

"I had a lovely time with you, Clare." Jace looked down at me, and I smiled at him.

"Our night is not over yet."

Jace raised an eyebrow and I grinned secretively at him. "Oh?"

I nodded, and we continued walking. He did not seem to know where I was taking him, and I was quite pleased by that fact. It was already beginning to get dark outside, the sun setting in the distance casting beautiful shades of blues, violets, pinks, and oranges throughout the sky. As a child, I had loved art, dreamt of becoming a famous artist. I had even tried it for a while until I had run out of cash and Magnus offered me a job. Since then, I had been focusing more on my job than on my hobby, but looking at the splendid colors dancing across the sky, fading quickly, I desired to paint the warmth of it all.

We were almost to the pavilion when Jace stopped in his tracks. "Clare?" I looked up at him with confusion dancing in my eyes, and he shook his head, dismissing his thoughts. He continued walking and I frowned slightly, but his hesitation flew to the back of my mind once we reached our destination.

I sat down on the bench I sat on that day eleven years ago when I was thirteen. Jace looked around and settled his eyes on me.

"Why did you bring me here, Angel?" His eyes were getting watery, and for a moment I was worried he was unhappy.

"This is where you opened up to me. This place is where we became friends, Jace," I said softly.

"I know," he whispered.

As we walked home that day, the storm clouds gathered above us, threatening us with its droplets. I could tell that something was on Jace's mind, but he did not say anything, only looking straight ahead of him and walking with a brisk pace.

"Hurry up, I want to get home before it starts raining," he said. I nodded and began running to keep up with him.

More droplets fell from the sky, and Jace looked up in aggravation. Seconds later, it started pouring on our heads, soaking us in a matter of moments. I smiled and Jace groaned, grabbing my arm and pulling me under the safety of the pavilion. I sat on the table top and watched as Jace paced back and forth, scowling every once in a while at the weather.

Finally, I asked what I'd been suspecting the whole time. "Is something wrong, Jace?" I asked, innocently.

"Yes! Something is wrong! I am here, sitting with you in the middle of a rain storm and we have to wait it out! I was already having a bad day!" Jace nearly shouted.

I shrunk back. "I'm sorry, I didn't know," I replied. "Why was your day bad?"

"Because some kid was making fun of me and my dead mom," he growled.

I was shocked. "Why would someone do that, Jace?" I asked.

"Why don't you go ask him Clary? I don't know why someone would do that to me. I do not know why someone would poke at me about something as terrible as that. Everybody is horrible. There is not one single good person left in this world! Not even you, little Miss Princess."

I sat up straighter, glaring at him. "I am not a princess Jace. Nobody thinks of me as a princess."

"Everybody does! Everyone at home! Alec! Isabelle! Their parents! Everyone loves you Clary. You want anything at all and everybody goes breaking their backs to make you happy! Anything you want, Clary, it does not matter with you! Because you're their princess! Poor little Clary that can't do anything for herself! That's you!" Jace yelled at me.

"Is that why you hate me?" I asked quietly, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"Of course it is! I envy you Clary! You have a loving family. A mom and a dad. You have the Lightwoods who are basically your second set of parents and you have Isabelle and Alec wrapped around your finger! I don't have that! My mother was murdered in a street one night and left there! My dad didn't want me anymore! How would you feel if the person who was supposed to love you more than anything else in the world didn't.

"How would you feel if your own father kicked you out of the house, demanding you go somewhere else? How would you feel Clary, if you kissed your mom goodnight and then had to attend her funeral, not three days later? How do you think that would feel Clary?

"And nobody gives a shit about how I feel or what I am thinking! Everybody tells me to go to therapy because talking to a random stranger would make me feel better! Nobody gives a damn about what happens to me, and I am sick of it! Everybody is afraid of me, out of fear that I will explode one day! Everybody thinks of me as a bomb rather than a person. Nobody wants to hear about the horrors I have experienced. So what am I supposed to do?"

By that point, tears were cascading down his cheeks as much as the rain outside the pavilion. His eyes were screaming sadness while his face screamed anger, and I stood up, walking towards him. His face dropped the angriness and was replaced by absolute sadness and depression. I put a hand on his arm and looked into his golden orbs filled with sadness. I brought a hand to his cheek, rubbing my thumb softly across the smooth skin, now damp with tears.

"I'm not afraid of you," I whispered.

He sobbed and fell into my arms, wrapping his own around my waist. I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped mine around his neck, and ran his soft hair through my fingers over and over again. I shushed him softly, and squeezed him tightly and he returned the pressure until he stopped sobbing. The rain had not let up, but Jace's tears had.

"Tell me about your mother," I requested as he sat down on the bench where I had been sitting. I sat down next to him, and he smiled miserably as he recalled his mother.

"She was the definition of kind. That's what I remember most about her. She cared about others more than herself. She always had. I remember this one time, that there was a young boy walking alone in the streets. He could not have been more than six or seven, and it was pouring rain. She pulled over in our car, and asked him where he was going. He said home, that nobody would pick him up and so he had to walk in the rain.

"The kid did not even have a jacket, and it was freezing outside. He was wearing a ratty old pair of basketball shorts and a short sleeve shirt and all of it was just sticking to his body. He was deathly thin; his collar bone sticking out prominently against his skin. My mom looked at him sadly and told him to get in the car. From there, we went to the store, and bought him sixty dollars worth of new clothes. My mom bought him a coat and a jacket too.

"We bought him a backpack and filled it with food, so that whenever he was hungry, he would have food that he'd be able to eat. She bought him a candy bar he had been eyeing at the store and he thanked her for everything. She told him, 'I've got more than I need, and you have less than you need, and I want to give you at least what you need. But darling, we aren't done yet.'

"And from the store, she drove us to a buffet and told him to eat until he was sure he would not be hungry for a week. The way he looked at the food was beautiful. But the way he looked at my mom, was like she was God. He ran to her, wrapped his arms around her thankfully, and whispered thank you. He hugged him back, and wiped a stray tear that had escaped onto his cheek.

"He ate so much that night, more than I thought I had eaten in my life. He looked so much happier than the depressed boy we'd picked up not two hours earlier. And when he was done eating his dinner, she gave him desert, that he ate in a gulp. And before we left, she talked to the manager and got a to-go box, and filled it with foods for the next day. She told him to put it in the fridge when we dropped him off and to heat it up in the morning when he was hungry.

"So we left the buffet, and drove him home, and my mother got out and hugged the small boy, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He thanked her over and over again, and she only smiled and told him to hang in there because there were still kind people out there. She told him to make something of himself and to help someone the way she had helped him when he grew up. He nodded and promised her, before turning and walking to his front door. He turned just before he went in, and waved a small goodbye, nodding graciously to my mother and to me, before going into the small house.

"I never saw him again, but as we drove back to our home, my mother put a hand on my knee. 'The world needs a little kindness. One day, you'll be kind too,' she'd said to me. And I could not help but think about how lucky I was to have gotten such a kind soul that resided in my mother. That night, I told her that I wanted to donate some of my toys to the kids that were less fortunate than I was. She told me that it was a great idea and she and I packed up four boxes of toys, that we donated the next day," he finished, his eyes straight ahead as if he were reliving the scene he'd just described in front of him.

I didn't know what to say, so I put my arm around his shoulder and said nothing. He snapped out of his trance and looked at me sadly. He leaned his head against mine, and continued telling me about his mother and his life before I knew him. And we stayed like that, in that moment even after the rain stopped and the sun started shining.

"I want you to trust me, Jace," I told him.

"I do trust you. Do you trust me?" he replied.

I sighed. "I want to trust you. I think I trust you,"

"Why do you not trust me, Clare?"

Dark had fallen by that point, and the soft glow and hum of street lights made shadows dance in the distance. I hugged my elbows around myself, unsure of what to tell him. After thinking about it for a minute, I decided on the truth.

"I don't want you to break me again," I said in a whisper.

"I regret leaving you, so much Clary. If I could, I would go back in time and never leave. But I cannot. I want to be here for you now. I will never hurt you ever again. Please, just take a shot."

I thought about this for a moment, and he stepped closer to me, standing in front of me and taking my hands in his own. "Please, Clary. Trust me. Don't be afraid of me."

The sky above began to get cloudy, water droplets beginning to fall once again.

I sighed, and looked into his eyes, noticing he was very close to me. That gaze in his eyes from the previous night had returned and his breath was quick against my own. His eyes moved frantically between my own eyes, and I glanced down at his lips. "I am not afraid of you," I said.

The rain was falling more steadily now, unlike my heart that was beating out of my chest. Jace smiled slightly, and leaned closer to me. I could almost feel his lips against mine, and I closed my eyes, and he closed his, and I pushed my lips against his.

And we were kissing, and it was perfect.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I called Magnus the next day and told him what happened. His reaction was hilarious but it involved a lot of squealing. After he was done with his episode and I'd answered all of his questions, I slowed him down a bit.

"Hey, Magnus?"

"Yes Biscuit?"

"Jace asked if he could meet everyone again last night."

There was silence on the other line and for a second I thought he might have hung up on me.

"I… I don't know Clary."

"Well, I cannot exactly tell him no. I mean, what would my reasoning even be?"

"I do not know."

"Why don't you ask Alec if he wants to see Jace, and I'll ask Izzy?"

"I guess that would be fine. I will call you after I talk to Alec," Magnus replied.

"Thanks Magnus. I have plans with him tonight at seven so if you can, call me before then so I can let him know."

"Sounds like a plan Biscuit."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I had nothing better to do, so I locked up my apartment and headed over to Isabelle's house. I knocked on the door when I arrived and she answered the door quickly putting on her most dazzling smile. When she saw it was me, her smile fell and she opened the door wider for me to come in.

"Jeez, hide your excitement," I joked.

"I thought you were Simon," she explained.

"Simon? The boy you brought home from the bar the other night?"

"Yeah, that would be him. Him and I are kind of seeing each other."

I spun around to face her. " _What_?!" I exclaimed.

"We are seeing each other. We have been on a few dates. I don't know how serious it is yet though, that is why I did not tell you," she rushed.

"No Izzy, that is great! Is he good to you? Nice and all, I mean."

"He really is, Clare! He is so nice! And sweet, but he is all really, really, _really_ geeky. It is the cutest thing though!"

I laughed. "Well, when I met him, he seemed polite and all, what with not sleeping with you while you guys were drunk. So he has my brownie points."

Isabelle rolled her eyes at me, and flipped her hair out of her eyes. "Actually, we haven't _done_ anything except kiss. Which is different from the majority of my relationships. Most guys just want _that,_ and if I don't do that they do not waste their time on me. He is the first guy that I have been with for this long without actually being _with_ him."

I nodded, impressed with that. "You should marry this one Iz. He sounds fantastic. And I am sure Alec would love him!"

She chuckled and nodded. "I hope so. I am thinking about introducing him to Alec and Magnus and my parents and all. I think they would all really like him. I really like him, Clare!"

My eyes widened. She had never introduced a guy to her parents. If she was that serious about him meeting her parents, this was not just a fling for her like she had intended it to be. I grinned at her and she looked dreamily at me, Simon, no doubt on her mind.

"Anyway, what did you come here for?" she asked me.

"Oh, well, I am… also seeing someone." I said hesitantly.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh my gosh! Who?" she demanded.

I scratched the back of my head. "Well…" I trailed off.

"What? Who is it?" she asked worriedly.

"Do you remember Jace?" I asked. Isabelle's chin dropped and her eyes widened. She brought her hand up to her mouth.

"You are not…" she said.

"I am. We kissed last night," I squealed. She stood up, and for a second I thought she was going to be mad. However, she just started squealing with me.

"Clary! That is so exciting! I cannot believe this!" she screeched.

"I know!"

"So how is he?"

"He's doing okay, I think. He is so sweet though," I started telling her about everything we had done since I 'ran' into him at Pandemonium. She squealed several times throughout the conversation and I could not help but be excited with her. He really was amazing, despite my concerns about our relationship. I had meant to talk to him about those last night, but I had kind of gotten distracted with kissing him and all that I forgot. I made a mental note to talk to him about my concerns and my feelings within the week. I had also forgotten about the case that I was supposed to be investigating. Jace was awesome like that. He helped you forget about everything that was freaking him out.

Besides, I do not have a doubt that he is not working for a cartel. My next step is to either try to get him to open up to me about his work, which could be a bit of hard work on my part, or I could follow him around without him knowing. That could also end badly for me. I shook my head slightly, returning to the conversation with Isabelle.

"Anyway, I came because Jace asked if there was any chance of meeting up with you and Alec and Magnus again. Magnus is down for it, and he said he would ask Alec if I came and asked you," I explained.

"I would love to meet up with him again. I haven't seen him in ten years! I would love to see him again," Isabelle told me.

"Okay, great. We'll set up a time and I will let you know."

As I finished my sentence, someone knocked on her door, and she squealed a little bit before walking to the door. I walked up behind her, and greeted Simon as I left. Isabelle motioned for me to call her and I nodded, knowing that she meant after we figured everything out with Jace. I smiled thinking about him, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. I finally allowed myself to let go.

Three days later, Jace and I walked up to Alec and Magnus's door, and knocked lightly.

There was never a doubt that Alec would agree to see Jace. Everyone knew that Alec missed Jace. I only wondered how tonight would go because I desperately wanted them to be friends. I wanted all of them to be friends with Jace. Jace was beginning to become important to me, however cliché that might sound. Jace was Jace, and I was beginning to trust him.

This, in all reality, said a lot about how I felt about Jace.

Him and I had been on one more date since the night we had kissed. I had gone over to his apartment and he cooked for me. Nothing special or anything, but I was still touched that he wanted to cook for me, instead of the other way around. Which, was not to say that I would not cook for him; I would. I just did not feel like it that night.

We had spaghetti and meatballs that night, and we ate in front of the T.V. watching _Iron Man 3_ , that was playing on one of the cable channels. When we were done eating our meal, Jace grabbed our plates, taking them to the sink and then coming back to sit next to me. He put his arm around me and let me snuggle into his side, and with his free hand, he subconsciously rubbed circles on my thigh. Every now and again, he would press a kiss into my hair and I would blush profusely, a trait of mine he thought was adorable. Eventually, I fell asleep, and when I woke I was in his bed. I immediately started freaking out because I did not have a clue where I was, and that was when Jace came in and told them that he had carried me into his room to sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch. Plus he cooked pancakes for breakfast while I was still sleeping.

Could this guy be more of a sweetheart? I swear, I looked like that emoji with the hearts in its' eyes when he told me that.

Anyway, Alec and Magnus were the only people that actually owned their home, so we planned dinner there. Jace already knew that my kitchen was tiny, and he had even commented on it to which I told him about my one-person-in-the-kitchen-at-a-time rule, another thing that he thought was funny.

I wondered how dinner would go. All of us, except Jace, knew that Alec had a lot of built of anger over the whole situation. He was really hurt by it. Both he and I were, but I was hoping that Alec would be able to move past it like I had. I had not forgiven him, but I had moved past it for the meantime. This was something I was sure Jace appreciated.

I blew a breath out of my mouth as I waited for one of the two to open the door for Jace and me. A minute later, Magnus stood at the door, greeting us. Jace and Magnus shook hands before doing that weird bro clap on the back slash hug thing they do.

As we walked into the house, Jace snaked his hand down, enlacing mine in his. I could feel him glancing at me in the corner of his eye, and I felt my mouth lift on one side, concealing a full blown smile, but allowing a small one to shine through. I saw him smile, and peck me on the cheek before continuing to follow Magnus to the kitchen.

Alec stood in the kitchen, with his back to us, working calmly at the stove. I smiled at his back, and dropped Jace's hand, wandering into the kitchen silently. I wrapped my arms around Alec from behind and squeezed lightly. He chuckled and turned, wrapping his arms around me. I could feel Jace's eyes burning into my back, knowing that he was jealous of the relationship I had with Alec, mostly because he knew he could have had that relationship with Alec and he chose not to.

Alec looked up from my hair, and made eye contact with Jace. He let go of me and I stepped aside, allowing Alec to march right up to Jace and wrapped him in a hug. For a second, I would have sworn he was going to slap Jace. I should have known better though; Alec never was a violent man. Jace wrapped his arms around his foster brother whom he had not seen in ten years.

"I missed you, man," Alec mumbled.

Jace's eyes were closed. "Me too, man."

I knew that Alec was going to start crying, and Magnus did too, by the look he shared with me. Jace and Alec stayed in the embrace for a couple minutes, while Magnus and I made ourselves useful in the kitchen. Alec excused himself and headed to the bathroom to clean up his face that was now blotchy and red, while Jace traveled to the kitchen to help Magnus and I. Jace came up behind me as I was stirring a pot at the stove, and wrapped his long arms around me pulling me against him. He leaned down, burying his face in my hair. Then he spoke so softly, that I only I heard him. "Thank you."

I nodded slightly, and leaned my head against Jace's. I could get used to this. He and I cooking in an apartment of our own and him wrapping his arms around me, burying his head in my hair, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I wanted this with him. I knew it was early on, but I hoped that this was something we eventually had together. Happiness surged through me, and I smiled.

Jace noticed my smile and looked at me weirdly before returning to help Magnus chop vegetables.

I heard the doorbell ring, and I looked to Magnus. "Do you want me to get that, or do you?" I asked.

"Can you get it, please Biscuit?" Magnus asked politely. I nodded and wiped my hands on one of their hand towels hanging from the oven handle. When I got to the door, Isabelle and Simon were standing on the other side. I looked at Isabelle pointedly but she did not seem to notice it. I invited them in, and Isabelle rushed in, pulling Simon behind her. He waved to me with a small smile before he was dragged along to the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes, feeling slightly frustrated with Isabelle now. I clenched my fists once, closing my eyes and breathing through my nose and out through my mouth twice. I opened my eyes, relaxed my fists and followed the pair into the kitchen. Isabelle had Jace wrapped in a hug, but it did not last long as she quickly let go and ran back to Simon. I noticed that Alec was back in the kitchen now, no sign that he had been crying.

"You guys, this is Simon. My boyfriend." Isabelle announced proudly. She clung to Simon's arm while he just kind of smiled awkwardly and waved a little bit. She squealed a little bit, and then rushed to the dinner table. "We'll just wait over here for everyone."

That was _so_ like Isabelle. She would come over; bringing an extra person that I am sure none of us knew was coming and then does not even _offer_ to help with dinner. I don't know why it was annoying me so much that night, but I seriously wanted to punch her teeth in. I looked at Magnus with a look that clearly asked if he had known she was bringing him. He shook his head no, and shrugged.

I know that Isabelle just wanted to introduce her boyfriend to her family, but she couldn't have at least told someone, anyone, that she was bring him? Especially tonight! It was completely obnoxious and rude! She knew tonight was a special night for me, for Jace, and for Alec. She cannot even keep her news to herself for ten seconds to hug someone she has not seen in ten years!

Jace strode up behind me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and began giving a back massage. I sighed and leaned back against his toned chest. He pressed a kiss to my hair and I smiled, feeling better with him.

"It is okay, really. I promise."

I sighed. "I know. I just think she is being a little insensitive to Alec and you. This is supposed to be a night where you and Alec and Isabelle bond and get to know each other so you can all be friends, and it is like she does not even care. It just frustrates me."

"I know babe."

I looked at him, blushing brighter than a tomato, as that word came out of his mouth. He grinned and pecked me on the lips. "And I love when you blush like that." In turn, making me blush even harder. My face felt so warm now. He smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes, a smile present on my face.

We all sat down at the table, passing food around in bowls and handing the bowls off to the next person. We began eating and Isabelle only angered me more.

"So are you Isabelle?" Jace asked.

"I'm great now that I am with Simon," she said dreamily.

Simon's cheeks flushed, and he looked down at his hands in his lap. I put my hand on Jace's hand in his lap, and smiled at him, even though inside I was exploding like a volcano. Jace smiled back at me and my heart fluttered, feelings of happiness soaring through me.

I turned my attention away from Jace, and looked at Alec and Magnus. Alec was looking towards Isabelle and Simon with a look of almost disgust, as Isabelle pushed a fork full of food in Simon's mouth, and I almost choked with laughter. Magnus, however, was looking at Jace and me. He was smiling gently at me, and I knew his look was telling me the words 'I told you so'.

"Dinner is fantastic. Thank you for having us," I said. Alec's attention focused on me and he nodded with a little grin present as his eyes flickered to Jace. Jace was studying me, and I blushed, making Magnus, Alec, and Jace smirk. I rolled my eyes, and continued eating.

"Yes, thanks so much for having us. Simon is enjoying the dinner too. Aren't you Simon?" Isabelle mentioned.

Simon nodded and a look of annoyance shot through Alec's eyes. I returned that look with another look that said, 'I know'.

"Jace, how have you been lately? I mean, what have you been up to?" Alec asked.

Jace wiped his face on his napkin and cleared his throat before replying. "I have been good. I ran into Clary at Pandemonium a couple weeks ago, and I am so grateful for that little sign of fate. I just want to say that I am so happy that you have welcomed me back with open arms. I regret what I did ten years ago, and I wish I had not have done it. I only hope you can forgive me."

Magnus looked a little bit shocked, but Alec only smiled softly at Jace. "You'll always be my brother, Jace. I forgive you."

Jace nodded, and smiled appreciatively back at him.

"Yeah, Jace, you'll always be my brother too. Speaking of which, maybe one day Simon will be your guys' brother-in-law!" Isabelle said excitedly.

At that point, I had had enough of Isabelle and her remarks.

"Just stop!" I said loudly.

Everyone looked at me surprised that me of all people spoke up and said something.

"This night is not about you or Simon! It is however about Jace! You have not seen him in ten years, almost eleven years, Isabelle, and you cannot focus on anything else except Simon! You didn't even tell us you were inviting him for dinner! You didn't even offer to help make dinner. You just came in here and sat down with him!

"Everything that has come out of your mouth tonight has been about Simon and not about Jace! You barely even said hi to him! You barely even hugged him after ten years, Isabelle! Are you serious? Think about another person besides yourself for once and ask Jace how he is doing! God, you act like you aren't even excited about him being here! You act like this dinner was planned for you! I told you to wait until after this dinner to bring Simon around and of course you don't listen to me!

"You only hear what you want to hear. You ask me for advice and I tell you what I think and you go and do the exact opposite every single time. I am done! I am done with this! I'm sick of it. The world does not revolve around you every single moment of every single day of the year. So ask about Jace and stop turning everything else around back to Simon. If you would just look at his face for a second you would see how embarrassed he is! We know he is here. We will ask him questions about himself. Just let your brother talk for five seconds first please. Please," I said, still fuming from my rant.

I looked at Isabelle's face, and saw she was almost in tears. She nodded slightly, almost like she was afraid to speak. "H-how are you Jace?" she asked quietly.

"I'm good Isabelle. Thanks for asking. How's life been treating you?"

"Okay," she whispered.

"That's fantastic. Simon, is it?" Jace asked.

He nodded. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, Jace. Thanks for asking."

"No problem. Better treat Isabelle here, right. She's got two brothers, you know."

He gulped visibly. "Yes, I know that."

"I am only kidding. Isabelle is quite capable of taking care of herself. And you seem to be nice Simon. I trust you." Simon gave a small smile and nodded appreciatively.

Isabelle suddenly pushed her chair back. "Excuse me, please." And she left the table, heading outside. I wiped my mouth off on my napkin, and stood up.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I rushed out after her. Simon looked at me. "I'm sorry."

I walked out of the house, finding Isabelle on the front steps of the house. "Isabelle-," I started.

"Is that really how you feel?" she asking, cutting me off of my previous statement.

I sighed. "Yes, Isabelle, that is how I really feel."

She sniffled. "You know you could have just told me those things in private instead of screaming them all in front of Simon. That really, really hurt me Clary. And I am so embarrassed now."

"Listen, Isabelle. I am sorry. I really am. I just think that you were being a little bit insensitive to many people in there. You know how much Alec missed Jace, and how big a deal this dinner is for him. You knew how big of a deal it was for me! I just wanted you all to like Jace, because I like Jace and everyone here has a history with him."

"I know, but that's the thing! I just want everyone to like Simon. I know that all of you think I fall in love too soon, and after Meliorn I wanted to change that fact about me. I wanted to be more thoughtful of my feelings toward men, and then I met Simon in Pandemonium and he is so perfect.

"Clary, he is considerate and handsome, and he is cheerful and smart, and he cares about me and he wants to wait. He doesn't just want me for my body like most men do. He wants to get to know me. He wants to build a future with me. And that is really exciting for me because I want to build a future with him. I just wanted everyone to like him the way you want everyone to like Jace," Isabelle said.

"I know, Izzy. I know. But it was not just that fact. It was that you also brought him here without telling any of us. What if we had run out of food? What if we did not have enough to feed him too? It would have been nice to know he was coming, and if anything you could have told me and I would have made sure we had enough food.

"It was also that you kept turning everything coming out of our mouths back to Simon. Did you see the look on his face? He looked so embarrassed every time you said something about him," I laughed as a flash of Simon's red face appeared in my mind. Isabelle started laughing too, and groaned.

"Oh, he probably hates me now."

"I doubt that. It did not look like a face of hate; it looked like a face of embarrassment. And think of it this way, in ten years, if you guys are still together, you can tell your kids about this night, and you will laugh about it. Tell them about how Aunt Clary yelled at mom _so bad_ in front of daddy. They'll think it is funny too. Just wait and see," I reassured her.

"I guess you're right. I am sorry about making this night about me. You are right, it is about Jace, and I know how important it is to him, you and Alec," she admitted. "I'll go in and apologize."

I nodded. "Thank you, Isabelle. You know that I am sorry for yelling at you right?" I asked.

She laughed and nodded her head yes. "I know, but next time, yell at me in private if you have to yell at me."

I chuckled, "Will do."

We both stood up, giving each other hugs. "This is why we're best friends you know."

"Yeah, I know. Love you Izzy,"

"Love you too Clare. Now c'mon. We have missed enough of dinner already."

We went back in, and I sat down next to Jace, leaning against him as he rubbed circles on my back. I looked up at him. "I'm sorry," I mouthed. Jace only smiled, and I knew he was not mad at me.

When everyone finished up, Isabelle and Simon excused themselves, getting their coats and beginning to head out. Isabelle came over and gave me another hug, telling me she was sorry. I nodded, and apologized once again to her, and we were fine again. Everyone was still smiling. As Magnus and I began gathering up the dishes and the food, Alec looked at Jace, tilting his head slightly to the door. Jace nodded and smiled at me, before following Alec outside.

Once in the kitchen, I began helping Magnus clean up the food and messes. He and I stood side by side as I washed the dishes and he rinsed and dried them. "So how are things with Jace?"

I smiled shyly, and kept my focus on the plate I was washing. "Things are good, Magnus."

"I have seen the way you have been looking at him all night, Clare." He smiled knowingly at me.

"I really like him Magnus. I am really glad that I got drunk that night and ended up over here. You know you have a fantastic husband and you are an incredible advice giver." I glanced at him.

"If getting drunk was what was needed, then I am glad you got drunk too," he joked.

"I want to text you later after tonight, if that is okay," he commented.

"Yeah, of course," I said, momentarily confused before I remember the reason that I was even with Jace right now. My mission.

We finished up the cleanup and sat down, waiting for Alec and Jace to come back inside. When they finally did, Jace and I said our goodbyes and headed out the door.

As we walked, Jace reached down, taking my hand once again. This was one thing I liked very much about Jace. It did not matter where we were going, he was going to reach down and take my hand. This gave me butterflies.

When we reached my apartment, he leaned down, cupping my cheek in his hand, and he kissed me gently. At that moment though, I did not want gentle. I wanted eager. I looped my arm around his neck and pulled at the ends of his beautiful blond curls and he groaned in my mouth. I loved the sound, and continued pulling and he only tugged me tighter against him, making me feel safe and secure.

Sadly, our kiss had to come to an end at some point, and it was starting to get chilly outside. Jace wrapped me in a hug, kissing my neck softly before he left. As he let me go, I pushed myself on my toes, and pressed a kiss to his lips. He smiled, his eyes closed, and I squeezed his hand.

"I'll call you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay," he sounded like he was in a trance.

"Okay." I gave him one last kiss before I turned, going upstairs to my apartment.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Later that night, I sat with Jace at a fancy restaurant. We chattered back and forth, and I smiled along, believing that this would be the last happy night and conversation we would ever have together. I was falling apart on the inside, but you would never know it just by looking at me.

That was a talent I had gained from Jace, although, it was after he left.

Abruptly, Jace takes my hand, and looks me in the eye, with that meaningful glance he so often used when looking at me; the one that gave me butterflies.

"Is something wrong?" Jace asked.

To be honest, I was not sure if my face fell or not. It must have because Jace squeezed my hand.

"Maybe this will make it better?" he leaned toward me, kissing me with delicacy. I relaxed into the kiss, and I never wanted it to end. Jace obviously could not have known that, as he broke our kiss, and leaned his forehead against my own. He was breathless, as was I, and a little smile grew on his face. His eyes were closed still, and he chuckled a little bit.

"I think I am falling in love with you," he whispered.

I leaned back, shocked. "What?"

"I think I am falling in love with you," he smiled a little bit.

I could not think of anything that I could say that would sound more perfect than what he had just said, and so I kissed him again, more desperate this time. A kiss filled with need and want. I wrapped my hands in his hair, and tugged a little, gaining the smallest moan that I was sure was repressed to avoid attention being brought to us. He brought a hand up to her face and caressed her face gently with his thumb.

I tugged harder on his hair, and he leaned back abruptly. His eyes had clouded over with desire and lust, and I knew what he had on his mind. I blushed because he thought he loved me. I looked down at my hands, before muttering, "Me too."

Jace smiled so wide, and he leaned over, wrapping me in a hug. He was so amazing, and the happy moment I had just been enveloped in, was ruined by my own mind. I only hoped he would not hate me tomorrow. I leaned back, resting a hand upon his cheek, and looking deeply into his eyes.

"Let's go to your place," I suggested.

He nodded, and I saw the desire spark in his eyes. I had no idea if the same gaze was set in my own set of eyes, but he quickly paid for our meal, and we walked back to his apartment. He did that thing I love so much, reaching down, and taking my hand in his. I thought that out of all things, our hands were the funniest part. His hands were huge! Behemoths even! My hands were soft and small, and even though his hand could swallow my own, he did not let them.

Jace had just opened up to me about two weeks before he asked me out. I was thirteen and he was fourteen, and I loved him as my friend, and I wanted to love him as more. Being so young, I actually believed that he and I were going to get married one day. We learned more about each other than anyone else ever had. In such a short period of time, Jace knew me better than Alec or even Isabelle!

So of course when he asked me out, I said yes. He told me he had been saving some of his money from chores for the past couple of weeks and he wanted to take me to a movie. I was so happy because he was so sweet. He did not have to go on any dates with me because neither one of us could afford it at the time, but he had saved and that was what he wanted to used his money on.

So we went to the movies, and when we came back home, of course he walked me to my door, and as cliché as it sounds, he kissed me on my doorstep. Needless to say there were thousands of emotions running through my head at that moment. Anxiety, ecstasy, happiness, nervousness, butterflies, dreaminess; it was my first kiss and it had been everything I had ever imagined and hoped it would be.

Everything was perfect for a very long time, between the two of us of course. Isabelle and Alec were constantly getting in fights with each and the yelling made Jace uneasy. He had not come from a place of yelling. His mother loved him dearly, and he had thought that his father also adored him. He was probably never yelled at in his life before this one with the Lightwoods and me.

So coming to a place with the unusual brotherly and sisterly love, it was new to him, and he did not like it at all. I think that it scared him a bit at first. But then again, it was only Alec and Isabelle. They were like this, and he would soon get used to it.

A few months after I turned fourteen, Jace started becoming distant from me. He would not kiss me or hold my hand anymore. He stopped texting me all the time. He smiled at me, but only when he had to be polite. I knew something was going on but I just could not figure out what. About a week after he started becoming distant, I had come to the realization that he was probably going to break up with me.

One day, after school, I was waiting for my mom to come and pick me up, as I had a dentist appointment. It was raining, so I was waiting by the stairs under the roof outside when I heard a moan from around the side of the middle school I was attending at the time. Puzzled, I went to investigate. Aline, the sluttiest girl in my grade, was pushed against a wall, her sopping, wet clothes clinging to her body and leaving little to the imagination.

Her breasts were nearly falling out of the top of her shirt, and the boy she was with only pushed her harder against the wall. As I got over my disgust of Aline, I saw that their kisses were sloppy, desperate and steamy in the cool rain. The boy's hand was resting on her breast, squeezing tightly, and she moaned in his mouth. I was now, too, sopping wet. My red curls sticking to my face, and I gasped, slapping a hand to my mouth as I recognized the boy.

Jace was making out with her heavily, and I felt a sob building up in my throat and when it escaped, Jace broke their kiss and looked at me. His face fell, and he ran towards me, forgetting about Aline. The closer he got to me, the more I felt betrayed. I knew he was going to break up with me, but I never thought he would cheat on me. I thought Jace was better than that.

"Angel, let me explain!" Jace called out, but I just stood there petrified as warm tears cascaded down my cheeks in waterfalls. When he got closer to me, I reeled my hand back and slapped him as hard as I could. His head snapped to the side, and tears gathered in his own beautiful eyes that I had come to love so much.

"My angel, I did not want you to find out this way."

"Do not call me your angel. You are a dog. You are not any better than any other boy at this school. You are the worst one of all. I thought you were better than that," I spat at him in a deathly calm voice, my anger seething just below.

"You are, though, Clare. You are my angel. Please, don't leave. Let me explain, please," he begged me.

I clenched my fist at my side, and looked him dead in the eyes. "I hate you."

I turned, leaving him gaping after me. My mother had just barely arrived, and I got in the car. "Does Jace need a ride home? We have time," my mother asked.

"Drive. He can walk home," I said bitterly.

As I looked at Jace one last time before we drove away, I saw that Aline was throwing herself on him, but he stood still as a statue, tears of his own marking their paths on his cheeks, watching me leave.

Later that night, he came to talk, trying to clear things over with me. As much as I wanted to forgive him, I could not. He damaged me badly, whether he knew it or not, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

He broke up with me the next day, and by that night, he was long gone. I blamed myself for his departure for an extremely long time, before I realized that he made that decision on his own. He left because he had to.

We reached Jace's apartment and he unlocked the door, hanging my jacket up on the hooks next to the door. He hung his own jacket up, and I threw myself at him, attacking his mouth with my lips. He eagerly accepted my kiss and responded enthusiastically. He picked me up, his hands clutching the bottom of my thighs while I wrapped my legs around him. I wound my hands through his silky, blonde hair and pulled on the curls at the top of his neck.

He carried me through his house, and reached his bedroom, lying me down softly on the bed before climbing on top of me, still kissing me passionately. His hand shifted to my stomach below my shirt, and soon he started trailing it up slowly. Even when he was turned on, he was still a gentleman.

I did not object when his hand stopped on top of my bra and I even arched my back to him, letting him know that I was okay with what he was doing. He squeezed lightly, and I moaned, loving every second of it. Soon, his hand crept to the bottom of my bra line, and he pushed his fingers underneath the fabric of my plain white bra, teasing me. I pushed my tongue inside his mouth and he took it to mean that it was okay. He pushed his hand up all the way, pushing my bra up at the same time and revealing my breasts to him. He never stopped kissing me, our kisses becoming sloppy and wet, but we still loved them.

He teased my nipples and I moaned into his mouth, making him pinch them softly. I whimpered, and he squeezed a little tighter making me moan once again. Moments later his hand began creeping down to my pants, and I grabbed his hand lightly. He broke our kiss, and stared into my eyes.

"I don't want to do that quite yet, Jace," I said in a hushed voice. He nodded, kissing me one last time before rolling over. He pulled my bra down, not looking once at my chest. I was grateful for that because it would have been a little bit embarrassing for him to have. Once I was decent, he stood up, going into his closet. He changed into pajamas in there, and threw an old shirt at me along with a pair of sweats.

"Will you stay here tonight?" he asked. "Please?"

I looked at him, and nodded before smiling at him. I stood up too, walking toward him quietly and wrapping my arms around him. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating, so steady, so strong. He wrapped his arms around me, and buried his face in my hair. We simply stood in each other's embrace for a while, before he told me to change. I did, folding my clothes and placing them on my bag, before walking to his bedroom once again.

He was lying on his bed, one arm behind his head and the other on the bed. His eyes were closed, and a small smile appeared on my face. I walked silently to his bed and laid down snuggling into him. I shifted one leg over one of his and laid my cheek on his chest. He relaxed and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him.

"Clare, you know what I told you earlier at dinner?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I don't think I am falling in love with you anymore," he said.

I sat up, facing him suddenly. "What?" I asked.

"I am in love with you," he said softly.

My eyes softened, and my sadness disappeared. "I really love you, Clary."

I smiled, and kissed him sweetly. "I love you too, Jace," I whispered back. He gave me an innocent smile, showing me how happy he was in that very moment and I laid back down on his chest. Minutes later, I was asleep.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The next morning when I woke, Jace was not awake yet. I was lying on my back, and Jace was lying with his head on my chest, his face buried in my hair. His nose tickled my neck when he blew breath out or when he nudged his nose against the smooth skin of my neck. An arm was thrown around my waist, drawing me closer to him and his legs were tangled with mine.

I smiled, capturing the perfection of this moment and wishing that I could draw it as I so often did as a child and teen. I was so happy and due to my job, I might have already forfeited it yesterday.

I was angry with Magnus, suddenly. I was not the only one that could have taken this job and I wished more than anything that Magnus would have seen that and allowed me to take a pass on this. This was something that had always frustrated me about Magnus. In situations like these, he did not handle them in the best way, doing what he thought was best for him, not his agents.

Magnus was quite selfish in that way.

I knew that Jace was bound to be furious with me. I wanted to tell him more than anything. I felt like he was becoming a more important part of my life. I felt like one day we would get married and not just because I like him so much but because I genuinely thought that. I felt like we would have kids one day, and go on vacations every now and again.

I loved Jace.

A single warm tear escaped my eyes and dropped to my cheek, slowing sliding down. I brought a hand up, caressing Jace's face. His eyelids fluttered, and his golden eyes, shining brightly, slowly opened.

"Hey babe," My heart fluttered at Jace low, husky morning voice that I had decided I loved. I gave a small smile, and Jace's beautiful eyes became clouded with worry, as he saw my tears.

"Clary, what is wrong?" Jace propped himself up on an elbow and gently wiped my tears away. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a shaky breath, shaking my head. Jace brought his hand to my chin and tilted my head up slightly before kissing my lips gently. His thumb brushed back and forth over the damp skin stretched over my cheeks. I kissed him back, but the kiss was not like others we had shared recently. This was soft and caring, not desperate and rough. I loved the passionate kisses as much as everyone else, but this sweet kiss was what I needed right then.

That was another thing I loved about Jace; he knew exactly what I needed.

He broke our kiss, and I tried connecting our lips again, but he would not let me. "First, tell me what's wrong, please. I want to help," he tried desperately.

"You can't help," I whispered, miserably.

"Was it something I did? Did I do something? Please, babe, let me help. Talk to me," he begged.

I shook my head. "It was not you. It was me. It was something I did." I closed my eyes, as a few more tears fell onto my cheeks.

"Let me help," he continued.

I let out a sob, and Jace took me in his arms, shushing me comfortingly. "You are never going to talk to me again. You're going to hate me, Jace," I cried.

"That's what you think? Clare, I could never hate you. I love you Clary, I love you so much."

Jace thought he was helping, but in all reality, he was making me feel worse. I had forgiven him for what he had done years before. We were both young and you cannot hold blame to a child who was unaware of the damage cheating could cause. "I love you, Clary. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. Please, I could never hate you, I promise Clary," he softly said.

I opened my eyes and gazed sadly into them. "You won't after you know what I did," I whispered, silent tears falling. "You will never talk to me ever again."

"Tell me. I won't hate you, I promise I won't. Babe, it kills me to see you this way." His eyes were steady on mine, his thumb gently on my cheek, and I had to press my lips together to stop another sob from escaping. He pulled me into his lap, sitting up, and rubbed my back gently as I hiccupped frequently.

"I-," I was cut off by the sound of Jace's phone ringing, and I tensed up. I had a perfect night with him and now it was over. This was it. This was the moment when he was going to hate me forever. This was the moment that my heart was going to be broken all over again.

He must have felt me tense because he pulled back slightly looking at my face before glancing at his screen. "It is just an unknown number Clare," he said softly. "Wrong number," he clarified.

I shook my head, recognizing the number instantly. "Answer it," I whispered.

Jace looked confused. "It is just a wrong number, babe. It will stop in a minute."

"No, it won't," I took a deep breath before looking him in the eyes. "They will keep calling back, and calling back until you answer. Either that or they will come here looking for you."

"I-I am not quite sure I understand what you are saying, Clary,"

"Answer the phone, please," I begged.

Jace looked at me a last time before adverting his gaze to the phone buzzing beside the table. He picked it up slowly, and answered it, placing it on his ear.

After a moment, he answered, "Yes, this is he."

He looked at me, once again with confusion, probably on how I knew it was going to be the cops. Realization set in his eyes before he looked at me with an angry stare. He cast his eyes down, and my heart began to crumble in my chest.

"Yes, that will be fine," he replied. "Be there then." He hung the phone up, before quietly saying, "Get out. I don't want you in my house."

"I am sorry Jace. I am so, so sorry," I cried.

"I do not care what you are feeling right now Clary. You turned me into the cops! I knew it was you that followed me yesterday! I knew it! But I told myself that it could not have possibly been you! You, the sweet girl that I fell in love with! You are a traitor! So please, leave my house before I get angry." He said calmly, but steadily.

"Jace, please, try to understand, it was my job! I had to-," Jace cut me off and began speaking louder.

"You work for them?"

I gulped, before nodding. "Yes, Magnus is my boss. He put me on this case even though I told him that I did not want to investigate you. I knew that I would fall in love with you again, and I knew that I would not have the will power to not turn you in," I rationed.

"Then why did you?" I did not know how to respond.

"Why did you betray my trust? I trusted you, Clary!" I sighed, more and more tears streaming down my cheeks like waterfalls. I began to beg, and he only held out a hand to stop me. "Please, just leave." He refused to look at me, moving his eyes everywhere but me. I sighed, walking toward him. He tensed up and I grabbed his hand, enlacing my fingers in his unresponsive ones. I hugged his arm to me, and looked at him.

"I am sorry Jace. I love you too." I let go of his hand and I turned, leaving his apartment behind; leaving him behind.

The pain in my chest was unbearable. I was lying in my bed and I felt like I was dying. It was just as bad as the first one breakup. It was with the same person so I supposed it made sense. My face was puffy, but that was the least of my worries.

It was the type of crying where you are in so much pain and you want to scream, but no sound is coming out. It is just you clutching your chest and wishing just to let some of it out. Not to mention the tears. When sound finally did come out, it gasping for breath desperately because even if there was no sound coming out before, it was still forcing sound out.

What felt like hours later, Alec walked into my room and laid down next to me. I turned over, and cuddled into his chest, while he wrapped his arms around me. I listened to the steadiness of his heart beat, and while there was still pain in my chest, Alec was still here.

Just like he had always been.

Just like he always would be.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Every now and again, I would doze off as Alec held me. At one point, I must have been in a pretty deep sleep because when I woke, Alec was gone. I sniffled, and used my thumb to wipe the dampness from my cheeks. I drew my eyebrows together and called out for Alec. A moment later, he came in and sat back down on my bed.

I laid back down on his chest and I listened to the steadiness of his heartbeat, feeling myself relax. I heard him draw in a breath and I knew that he was about to speak.

"Clary?" He whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Magnus just called me."

I nodded, although I knew what was coming. I buried my face in his shirt, and he squeezed me tighter against him. I did not want to hear how Jace's interrogation went. I knew he hated me know.

"Jace has set up a meeting with the leader of the cartel. They're meeting him tomorrow night, a few blocks from Pandemonium. They are going to have police surrounding the place," he paused, and looked down. He reached with his spare hand, brushing a loose curl from my ponytail out of my face. I glanced at him before hiding my face again.

"I know that there is something else, so you might as well just say it," I mentioned.

Alec chuckled silently, before drawing in a sharp breath. "Magnus requested you be there. They don't have many officers there and you were the leader of this case, so he says it is imperative for you to be there. You don't really have a choice," Alec said softly.

The thought of seeing Jace, putting himself in a dangerous position, was terrifying and heartbreaking. The tears that had been my acquaintances for the last few hours, being to flow down my cheeks once again. "I can't Alec," I begged. "Please, talk to Magnus. Get me out of this, please Alec."

Alec tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. "Jace needs you there."

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on Alec's steady, piercing blue ones. I could get lost in Alec's eyes. They were one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen and even though his face was ageing a little bit, his eyes remained full of life and fun. "Jace hates me."

Alec shook his head. "No, he doesn't. Clary, I saw the way he was looking at you the other night. There is no way that he could hate you. He loves you, Clary. He loves you more than anything," Alec assured me.

"How do you know that?" I asked vulnerably.

"It was the way he looked at you when you laughed. His eyes shone with happiness and delight. It was when you yelled at Isabelle that he looked at you with speechlessness and awe. It was whenever your mouth quirked up on one side when you were embarrassed, that he looked at you like he could not possibly imagine his life without you in it. It was when you smiled, and he smiled back, that he looked at you with more love in his eyes than I ever thought one person could possibly hold for another singular person.

"He does not look at you with disgust or pity or lust. He looks at you with adoration and beauty and love. His love for you is not simply a spark placed randomly in his heart; it is a wildfire, taking over his sense, taking over his mind. There is so much love, Clary, he loves you so much. And when there is that much love, it cannot be thrown away so easily. He is hurting, just like you are, Clare bear. And I know for a fact that you love him just the same.

"So go tomorrow night. Protect him. I think he needs it. And after that, you can talk things over with him and he will forgive you. I know he will." Alec's eyes rested steadily on mine, but there was a wave of absolution burning in the softness of his gaze.

"He- he really looks like that when he's around me?" I asked quietly.

"He really does," Alec said, softly.

I was quiet for a moment, and a small smile quirked the side of my mouth. "That's it there, the smile that Jace adores so much." I lay back against Alec's chest again, and I felt him wrap his arm around me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Any time, Clare bear," he replied just as softly.

So we sat in silence and relaxed in the company of the other person, and eventually I fell asleep, feeling not quite as heartbroken as I did before.

The following evening, I got out of my taxi and walked into the police station. The rest of the crew that was assisting tonight was already there and being prepped. I pulled on a bulletproof vest and grabbed a gun, loading the bullets into it but putting it on safety.

When I had first began working for the police, I was deathly afraid of using guns. The loudness of them always shook me and I thought that I would never get used to it. Magnus noticed my nervousness around guns and he and Alec took me to a shooting range one evening after work. They taught how to hold the gun properly, how to aim, and that made me feel better about shooting. The sound ricocheted off the walls and vibrated in my bones, making me feel power and in control.

After that night, guns did not bother me as much as they used to.

Across the room, everyone gathered around Magnus who was standing in the center of the room. I stayed where I was, and continued prepping.

"Everybody listen up!" Magnus demanded. "Jonathan Herondale is not to be harmed! He is doing us a favor and without him, we would not even be in this position of power here! The mission here is to collect Jordan Kyle, the leader of the cartel, and to protect Jonathan!" he shouted. "Everybody got that?"

A nod of understanding and some murmured 'yes sirs' flooded the room. I stayed silent. I already knew the rules of this mission. They were the same two months ago when I first received this mission. Jace and I had been together for almost two months. That filled my stomach with butterflies, soon replaced by sadness as I realized that that might not be the case anymore. I sighed, and finished loading up.

Not five minutes later, we were hustled into black SUV's and were headed to our destination. We were more than an hour ahead of when the meeting was supposed to take place. After the officers were out of the cars, the SUV's were parked blocks away and the drivers walked over. Everyone set up, including the sniper that was situated on a roof across the street.

We were in a dank alley way. There were no street lights close enough to project light into the darkness of the alley, but there was a lamp situated on one of the walls, that I assumed to be burned out. I climbed the rust infested ladder to the top of one of the buildings. I looked down into the alley, and crouched, hiding myself in the shadows. No one would see me.

The walkie talkie by my side was awoken by Magnus's voice coming through.

"Everybody in place? Over."

"One in place, over."

"Two in place, over."

"Three and four in place, over."

"Five and six in place, over."

"Seven in place, over," I said finally. I was the last person.

We were less than a half hour away from the meeting time, and Kyle's men were beginning to show up. An SUV pulled into the back end of the alley, leaving only one way open. Three men got out, and stood around the car. They searched the alley thoroughly and when it was deemed satisfactory, they spoke into their ear pieces, and Kyle got out of the car.

Kyle was not as I expected. Most drug lords were kind of gruffy looking, long beards, a cold glare in their eyes. Kyle was almost the complete opposite. He wore a suit, and his light brown hair was neatly combed back. He looked like he was getting ready to go to a business meeting instead of passing drugs along to the next person. Had I seen him in the streets, I would assume him to be a lawyer or something like that because he looked so professional.

His eyes were another thing that shocked me about him. Most people in his line of work had eyes that were mean; unyielding. His had more of a playful smirk in them; the look a poker played got when he knew he was about to win. He was an arrogant man and he knew how to get what he wanted.

I reached down and turned my walkie talkie off as Jace arrived. He stepped out of the cab he was in and walked to the middle of the alley, maybe ten steps away from Kyle. I reached down and grasped my gun, waiting for the moment that I would have to pull it out. I could hear the conversation clear from where I was.

"I thought you told my men that you were done in this business now. That was what, four days ago?" Kyle smirked.

"I changed my mind," Jace said.

"Who says we even want you back? I mean, you were pretty clear to my men that you did not want your position anymore. I mean, what made you change your mind?"

"That's none of your business," Jace snarled.

Kyle chuckled, and replied, "Did I hit a weak spot there?"

"Do you want me back or what?" Jace demanded.

I did not hear Kyle's response, as footsteps echoed behind me. I stood up, suddenly on full alert, walking away from the roof slowly so as not to draw attention to my movements. As I turned to look at the meeting below, I was struck on the side of my head and thrown to the side. I cried out with pain, and groaned. I reached down, taking my gun firmly in my hand although my head was starting to spin, when a gunshot exploded in my ears and my arm began to sting with pain.

I dropped my gun and held my arm, feeling the bullet hole with my fingers. I gritted my teeth, and drew deep breaths in through my teeth. Someone kicked my gun away from me and I felt very much in danger knowing that I had no way to protect myself now. I tried to look at my attacker but his face was enclosed beneath a ski mask. I kicked out, trying to hit his knee caps when he chuckled and kicked me in the side.

My red hair began falling out of my ponytail and helmet and the man crouched down, taking a handful of it and yanking it towards him. I stifled a groan and he smirked at me. "It must be you that Jonathan is so attached to. You know your red hair stands out in a crowd very well." His voice was deep and gravely, scratchy the way your voice is after spending a night at haunted houses in October. It made him sound even more threatening.

My eyes widened. They had been looking for me as well. They knew that I was a weak spot for Jace. They were going to exploited me and use me against him. He could get killed. My fear was replaced with fear for Jace, and I tried to scream but he shoved a gag in my mouth, yanking my helmet off and tying it behind my head.

He began to haul me to my feet but I threw my elbow back, hitting him in the stomach. He growled in my ear, and I squirmed but he only squeezed me tighter. He ripped my vest off my torso, revealing my long sleeved black shirt beneath it. "Now, you have no protection at all. I could shoot you in the ribs and you would not have anything to protect your body from the shot." He laughed, the sound resonating from low in his throat.

I began struggling harder and he kicked the back of my leg, making me fall to my knees before him. He slapped me with a momentum that could have knocked teeth out. I groaned pushing myself up to my elbows having had been pushed over. He kicked the soft part of my stomach sending me sprawling on my back. I groaned and coughed. "Are you ready to behave yourself now?" he snarled at me.

I looked up at him, and spat. He smiled, deathly calm and stood back up, wiping his face off. I shrunk back in fear as he brought his foot back and kicked me three more times in the stomach. I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, hoping to block anymore advances. He hoisted me to my feet and pushed me against one of the little half walls on the roof.

Bringing his hand back, he punched me viciously in the face so many times I lost count. I felt blood running down my nose from where I was positive he had broken my nose, and I knew my lip was split, causing more blood to run down my face. My eye was swollen shut already. I coughed and blood came out, making me sick to my surely bruised stomach.

He got down in my face, and asked me, "Are we ready to behave ourselves now?" I nodded, and fell limply against the wall behind me. He hoisted me up and went to the stairs leading inside the building. A moment later we emerged in the alley. He was practically dragging me, and my head lolled to the side because I could not find the strength to lift it up.

Someone had gotten that light working, and I was bathed in warm light. I could not see anybody from where I was but a moment later, I heard Kyle's calm voice calling the man to bring me forward. The man picked me up, his huge arms wrapping around my stomach. I saw Kyle's men surrounding me and I knew that Jace was not far ahead of me. Kyle's men left my side, and walked to Jace, holding him back as he tried to catapult himself towards me.

"No! You let her go!" He shouted. Kyle laughed mercilessly and walked toward me. He grabbed my chin and yanked it toward him. "Oh, she is a beauty, isn't Jonathan?" I tried to struggle, trying to summon that fire within me, but I couldn't quite fight my way to it. I just groaned softly, and Jordan Kyle smiled at me.

His hand left my chin and continued downward, caressing the side of my neck before slowly treading further down my body. His hand now lay upon my breast, softly. I began to panic, and he brought his other hand to my bruised cheek, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone. Jordan smiled at me once more as his hand left my breast. I let a breath out, believing that he would leave me alone.

He noticed my relief and shoved his hand down my shirt, resting his hand on my breast once again, the cover of my bra above his hand. His fingers rested on my skin and I began to panic, thinking they were going to rape me in the alley in front of Jace. I whimpered, and Jordan pinched my nipple and my not swollen eye squeezed shut trying to block out any part of this disgusting man's fingers on me.

Jace growled and yelled at Kyle. "You leave her alone! Stop! Leave her alone! Leave her alone!"

Kyle looked back at Jace as his fingers pinched my nipple once again, simulating nerves inside me that my mind refused to feel but my body welcomed. I bit down on my lip, feeling the pain of my split lip and trying to focus on that and not Jordan's icy, cold fingers.

"You see Jonathan, my men alerted me to seven cops in the area that were watching us. Of course, no one else knew about this meeting, so I know that you are working with the cops. If you have been the whole time, I don't know, but I know for a fact you are now. My men took them out and we knew that the red head beauty you love was going to be here. We have been watching her for months. We knew she worked with the cops, and somehow you did not. You allowed her to get closer to you.

"But she was only trying to get information out of you. She turned you in to her boss, for heaven's sake! I knew that I could not trust you anymore, Jonathan." His fingers twisted my nipple and he brought his other hand down to my other breast, doing the same torture to my other nipple as well. A tear slid down my cheek and I wanted more than anything to just run into Jace's arms and let him hold me tight against him, protecting me from all the dangers Jordan Kyle proposed.

I looked Jace in the eye, and I saw misery inside them. I tried to say his name but my throat hurt too much and I did not have the strength. I loved him and I need him to know that. He was the love of my life. I knew this. I think I had known this for a while, I had just been denying it before. I wish I had told him before. Jordan took his hands out of my shirt, and turned back to Jace.

"Anyway, we really must be going now." He turned back to me, and stroked my cheek, before ordering the man holding me to put me in the car. I tried to struggle, whimpering as sore parts of me screamed in pain. My arm was still bleeding intensely, but nobody seemed to be too alarmed by it. I heard another gunshot, and the rest of the men got in the car, and I was left to think that the love of my life was dead.

Another tears slid down my cheek before I lost consciousness.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

When I woke, the only thing I was aware of was the pounding in my head and the throbbing in my arm. I was sleeping on the cold stone floor of what I assumed to be a basement. Overhead, I could hear classical music playing, but it sounded as though I was underwater, the sound fuzzy and blurred. I opened my eye, unable to open one as it was swollen shut, and blinked a few times. I did not know where I was, and I was completely unarmed. Even in my apartment, I was never unarmed. I had a gun locked in the top drawer of my nightstand.

I tried to recall what had happened before I had passed out, and only flashes of memories came back to me. I closed my eye and began piecing the fragments together.

 _There had been a meeting set up with Jace and Jordan Kyle._

 _I was positioned on the roof._

 _Someone shot me and beat the hell out of me._

 _They took me to Kyle._

 _He did inappropriate things to me._

 _He did inappropriate things to me in front of Jace._

 _There was a gunshot._

 _Jordan Kyle's men probably killed Jace._

 _I was supposed to protect him._

 _This never should have happened._

 _This was entirely my fault._

 _I could have fought harder._

 _I should have fought harder._

Tears burned at the back of my eyes, and I squeezed them shut. I was being held captive. I refused to let them see me cry. They would not know. They would not break me. I owed it to Jace.

Hours later, my stomach growled ferociously. I was not aware of how long I was sleeping for. I could have been out for an hour or three days. Either way, it had been a while since I had last eaten. I hugged my stomach and brought my knees to my chest. I sighed.

A few days later, the room I was in, stank of human waste. Nobody had come down to let me out, feed me, or allow me to shower and use the restroom. I was sure that I smelled horrible, and my hair felt greasy. There was a chain around my ankle that had been there since I got here, but it allowed me to walk around the room, as the chain was long.

Not to mention that the room was deathly cold and I had no blanket. I had only what I was wearing the night of the meeting. I knew that Magnus was looking for me. He had to have been. I would get out of here. I knew I would. I had to, right?

That evening, the door to the room creaked open, and I stood up quickly, waiting for someone to enter. For a glass of water. A plate of food. Anything.

The man who had beaten and shot me stood at the door and I stepped back a few steps cowering. He smiled maliciously, and I noticed that a few of his teeth were missing; a detail I had not noticed the night of the meeting.

He pushed someone into the room in front of him, and I realized the man was a doctor. I pushed myself against the wall as the man came closer to me. He looked at me with calm, apologetic eyes that were a soft gray color. He reached toward me and I flinched. Ignoring me, he grabbed my arm and carefully unwrapped the gauze around the bullet wound. He examined the hole, and poked around the side of it. I watched him carefully, ready to attack if I needed to.

A moment later, he nodded back to my attacker, and he strode towards me. I started to struggle, and the man who attacked me wrapped his arms around me tightly, so I could not move. I wiggled trying to get free, and he only squeezed me tightly. I was so hungry that I felt as if I could not fight any longer anyways.

The doctor guy nodded once again and pushed his fingers inside the bullet hole entrance. I screamed, and thrashed, the pain making me see black dots in my vision. Tears spilled onto my cheeks and I yelped. I felt his fingers close around something, based on the way his muscles tightened in his fingers, and he began pulling it out.

The pain was agonizing, and I could not imagine anything worse. I screamed louder than I ever had before and when his fingers were finally out of my skin, I began to sob violently; hyperventilating.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the world had begun to spin. I felt a needle go into my arm, and come back out again and I knew that they were sewing me up with stitches. I wish I could say I felt relief when the man wrapped a clean piece of gauze around my arm, but the aching and throbbing of the wound was enough to keep me in my misery. I sniffled and my attacker finally let me go, and I fell to the ground. I did not dare to clutch any part of my arm in fear of making my pain worse than it was, and so I just lay there, not even having enough energy to crawl to the glass of water they had put on the floor in front of me.

A couple days later, they still had not fed me. I had been getting water since that awful day they ripped the bullet out of my skin. The doctor had come back in a few times, making sure my wound was not infected, but he always left soon after, making me believe it was fine.

I knew that Magnus had put his best men on the job and that they were looking for me now. Jace had probably already had a funeral. Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I pushed them back, pushing Jace out of my mind at the same time. I had to focus on staying alive. Magnus's crew would find me in a few days. It would not be long now.

When I woke up next, a small plate of food was sitting close to the door. I scrambled to my feet and lunged for the food. I could not reach it and I groaned flattening myself to the ground trying to reach it. I could almost touch it, my fingertips skimming the edge just barely. I pushed myself farther trying to reach it, and something in my lower leg snapped. I cried out, but was able to reach the plate. I pulled it towards me and stuffed my face, completely ignoring the throbbing in my ankle.

Nothing mattered in that moment, because this was the first food I had eaten in days.

The next day, the doctor and a man with a long beard returned to my room. I glared at the doctor, and his kind eyes thought seemed to think nothing of it. He examined my ankle, coming to the conclusion that it was just sprained. I was relieved that it was nothing more serious. I decided to brave my fear, and I quietly asked, "How long was I asleep when I came here?"

"About a day," the doctor man said, and left me in silence, locking the door behind him.

If my calculations were correct, then I had been here for nine days. Shouldn't they have found me yet?

No, I reminded myself, it took us years to even set up this meeting. They are still looking for me, they will find me soon. They just have to figure out where Kyle is hiding me.

They would find me.

Two weeks later, I could see the bones in my wrists, in my elbows, in my stomach. My cheekbones felt thinner, and my hair was so greasy. The pile of waste had only grown, and the room's stench did not faze me anymore. I could smell my own odor, and I wanted to die.

I had lost my will to live at that point. Magnus had not found me yet. It had been twenty five days, and they still had not found me. I began to lose hope that they would ever find me. I wanted to die.

Three days later, I could barely lift my head up anymore. I would still throw food and drink into my mouth, but other than that, I did not move. Not even to go to the bathroom in the corner. I was tired all the time, and sleep was the only place that I could pretend I was happy.

When I woke up from a particularly long nap that day, Jace was sitting in the corner of my room. His head was tilted to the side, and his beautiful eyes were studying me. I drew my eyebrows together, and I whispered to him.

"Jace?"

"Yes, my angel?"His voice was deep; familiar, and it gave me an overwhelming sense of relief.

"Are- are you really here?" I asked.

"Of course I am. I am here with you," he replied.

"Hold me, please. I just want you to hold me. I want to feel your arms around me, please," I begged. My voice was hoarse as I had not spoken another word since asking the doctor how long I had been out.

He smiled and stood, walking to me, and crouching in front of me. "I wish I could, my love."

"Why can't you?" I asked, devastated.

"It is time for me to go, angel. I will be back soon though, I promise."

"No, please don't go. Please, stay here with me. Please Jace, please." Tears began to slide down my cheeks, and I could not seem to stop them. "Please," I whispered.

"I love you, my angel. I will be back soon. Do not cry, you will see me again." And he turned, opening the door behind him, and leaving me. Every last ounce of energy I had left with him, and I fell to the ground and cried.

Over the next four days, Jace came to visit me often. I asked him if he was still working with Jordan. He told me that I was the only one that knew he was here, and that he hid from everybody else. I found relief in that because it meant no one could take him away from me.

But I still had the doubt inside me. If Jace was here, why hadn't he alerted Magnus or anybody else of where I was? Shouldn't I be safe at home by now? If Jace was here, shouldn't he be more panicked than he is whenever he is around me. He never touched me. As I thought more and more about it, I knew that Jace was just inside my head. He was not really here.

On the thirty second day, I was sleeping on the floor as I had been doing for the last month. Commotions outside the door awakened me, and I sat up slightly and stared at the door. I was hungry and thought that maybe they were coming to give me food. I had learned that they were giving me food on four day intervals. Everything fourth day, they'd bring in a small plate of food, and a single glass of water. It was not much, but it was enough to keep me alive.

I was still deathly thin, and I was sure that I had deep bags under my eyes. My hair stuck in clumps and my clothes were two sizes too big for me. They hung limply from my shoulders and my hips that jutted outward. My skin had turned a light gray color and I hung to the thought that maybe death would welcome me soon. I hoped it would.

I had no hope I would be rescued.

Another crash outside my door broke me out of my thoughts. I continued to stare lazily at the door, and more clanging outside proved to me that they were not here to bring me food. A moment later, the door swung open quickly and light flood in from the hall outside. A tall man with yellow hair walked into my room. He looked around frantically, and when his eyes landed on my blackened shape, he rushed forward.

I flinched, pushing myself into the corner as far as I could go. I whimpered, and a familiar voice spoke to me, drawing me out of my revere.

"Clary?" His voice was not as deep as my imagination had made it to be, but it was him. It was really him.

"Jace?" I croaked.

"It's me, Clary, it's me." Tears sprang into my eyes and I used all my strength to throw myself at him. He caught me easily, and tensed as he realized how skinny I was. I cried into his shoulder, and he held me softly, rubbing my back reassuringly.

"Is it really you? Are you really here?"

"I'm here, Clary, I'm here, I'm here," he said, and I realized that he was also crying. He buried his face into my damaged hair, and cried. I clung to him and he leaned back, kissing me softly, but passionately.

"I thought- I thought you were- I thought you were dead, baby," He cried.

"I thought you were too," I returned. He tightened his grip around me, and started to carry me out. The chain wrapped around my ankle stopped us, and he frowned looking down. He noticed it and sighed. He set me down gently, and unlocked the chain, having had stolen the keys from a guard. He picked me up again, bridal style, and carried me out. My arms were still wrapped around his neck, and I knew that he was here and that he was never going to let anything hurt me ever again. I was finally safe.

And suddenly, just like that, I was thankful that I did not die.


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Over the next six months, I was depressed. I never left the house. I was horrified that somehow I would end up in that basement again with the chain around my ankle. Jace suggested I go to therapy, and for a while I refused until I finally went.

It was hard to talk about it, because talking about it meant reliving it, and it was not something I wished to relive. I was terrified and my nightmares did not help my case. Everybody was with me though. Everybody supported me the whole time through.

After Jace and Magnus's team found and rescued me, they transported me via helicopter to the hospital. There, I stayed for ten days. The doctors there were more kind than the one Kyle had and they fed me every two hours to try and get my weight back up. While I was held captive, I had lost fifty one pounds, making me weigh seventy three pounds. My weight went up six pounds at the hospital, putting me at seventy nine pounds, but they still wanted me to come in every week to get weighed. If I was not gaining weight, they would make me stay in the hospital longer.

My bullet wound had completely healed, but my ankle had been fractured from trying to get that first meal. It was mostly healed now to the point that I did not need a cast on it. I was relieved about that. At the hospital, they also gave me baths and showers every day to try and salvage my hair. Over the next four months, my hair was back to normal.

Magnus had also told me that Jordan Kyle was arrested three days after my rescue, along with the majority of his men. His sentence was twenty five years to life with no option of early parole.

Over the next year, I was feeling more confident. My weight had not returned completely, but I was at 107 pounds which was healthier looking. You could no longer see the bones in my elbows or knees, but you could see them slightly in my wrists and ribs.

Jace stayed with me every single day, and about eight months after I was rescued, we moved into our own little apartment together. Every night since my rescue, I fell asleep with Jace's arms around me, helping to make me feel safe.

A year and a half after my rescue, Simon and Isabelle got married. I was Isabelle's maid of honor, and Jace and Alec and Magnus were groomsmen. Two months after they got married, Isabelle announced that she was expecting. Everyone was so happy for her. Nine months later, a beautiful baby girl was born. Everybody simply adored her because he was possibly the cutest baby ever. She had her daddy's curly brown hair and Isabelle's dark eyes. About a month after Isabelle and Simon had their baby, Alec and Magnus got the chance to adopt a newborn at the hospital after the parents abandoned it.

As for Jace and I, we got married three years after I was rescued and we have been living happily. I feel safe in his arms. When I am in his arms, I know that nothing will ever hurt me again because he is there to stop it. He is there to protect me. I love him and he loves me.

Alec was right about the looks in his eyes. Jace has told me that I am his everything and that he could not possibly imagine his life without me. For that, I am grateful. For that, I am happy.

Jace is my one and only. And I am his.

 **The End**


End file.
